How to take things less personally | Psyche Guides - Deepstash

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Self-awareness is the key to conquer your feelings.

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How to take things less personally | Psyche Guides

How to take things less personally | Psyche Guides

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The Two Forms Of Thinking

Two biased forms of thinking that involve taking things too personally

Personalisation: believing that you're the cause of a negative event, despite having little or no evidence to support the belief.

Mind reading: believing someone is making a critic...

A Lack Of Self-Awareness

 If you experience a social setback or can’t get a good read on what another person is thinking, being self-aware can help you pinpoint and correct social problems. But if you resort to personalising or mind-reading whenever there’s a bit of social ambiguity, these well-rehearsed thoughts will st...

Your Mind On Autopilot

If you struggle with taking things too personally, it’s likely that these self-critical thoughts have been rehearsed so often that you don’t even notice them anymore, particularly if you’re wrapped up in the uncomfortable feelings and urges that accompany them.

You can compare these well-l...

Distinguish Your Feelings from Your Thoughts

If you tend to take things too personally, it’s important to recognise your patterns of personalisation or mind-reading before deciding what to do with them.

This can be challenging, however, because the line between feelings and thoughts is often blurred. A good way to distinguish feeling...

The Labelling Exercise

To help you understand and separate the connections between feelings and thoughts, practise labelling them whenever you have the opportunity.

Remember that feelings are not debatable – you just feel how you feel, even when you wish you didn’t. Your thoughts, on the other ha...

Look for Signs that You Are Personalising or Mind Reading

The next time you’re experiencing a strong or difficult emotion, tune in to your thoughts.

For example, you run into an acquaintance you haven’t seen in a long time, and after a brief and somewhat awkward conversation, you feel a sudden sadness. 

These thoughts might have an even grea...

List the Evidence for And Against Your Thoughts

Remember that your thoughts may reflect biases in thinking, which is an important starting point. Now is your opportunity to consider the evidence for and against your thoughts, which will help you decide whether to stick with your original understanding of a situation or go with an alternative e...

Find Out If The Feeling Is About You Or Not

The best way to go through the process of gathering evidence is to write down your thoughts.

Get out a sheet of paper. On the left side, write down a brief description of the situation.

On the right side, write down how you felt: ‘sad’ or ‘anxious’ or ‘annoyed’.

The Checklist

  • Distinguish your feelings from your thoughts
  • Look for signs that you are personalizing or mind reading
  • List the evidence for and against your thoughts.
  • Consider whether it makes more sense to adopt an alternative account of what happened
  • Accept a reasonable am...

The STUF

When you're overwhelmed by intense and persistent emotions, and you're grappling with the urge to overthink, run away, lash out or engage in some other counterproductive behaviour, it can be helpful to acknowledge and try to relate differently to your inner experience.

Four interrelated com...

Asking Yourself About What Is Really Useful In The Situation And Your Thoughts

Ask yourself, what’s useful?

Once you’ve had a chance to explore, challenge and revise your thoughts, consider what would be useful for you to know or do now.

So, what’s useful? If you take things too personally because you regularly overlook details that would help ...

Accept a Reasonable Amount of Uncertainty

By their nature, social interactions contain a certain degree of ambiguity or uncertainty. Although you can’t control what others think nor actually read their minds, you can make plans for change, practise social behaviour that’s generally effective, and learn to tolerate the uncertainty that co...

The STUF Thinking: Bring Some Clarity By Asking Questions

To bring more clarity to your thinking about your STUF, here are some good questions to ask yourself. You might find it helpful to write down your answers.

  • What does my STUF mean or say about me?
  • Do I accept my STUF or criticise myself for it?
  • Do I try to distance mysel...

Accept And Redirect

Practice accepting your authentic inner experience, without judgment, before redirecting your attention and behaviour to a productive response that's driven by your values and long-term goals.

Below are some further ways to understand and relate to your feelings and urges:

  • Object...

Value-Driven Action

Give some thought to the emotion-driven choices you make when you take things personally and consider the value-driven behaviours you’d like to choose in the future. These can include the plans for effective social behaviour we considered earlier.

Examples of value-driven action:

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