#587: Terry Crews on Masculinity, True Power, Therapy, and Resisting Cynicism

Terry reads a book or more a week. He thinks reading encourages empathy for different people. It is also a great way to stay level-headed in a world of social media and sensationalism. 

Reading also calms you down when you feel overwhelmed. It’s like enjoying a sunset. 

Terry was successful, he was famous and lovable, but his wife was ready to leave. 

Don’t fall into the trap of self-righteousness. Stay humble. When you become self-righteous, you can do terrible inhuman things to other people.

There are two ways to be self-righteous in Hollywood. 

• You believe you have a divine right because you’re born this way.
• You think you’ve suffered more than anyone else. 

However, suffering doesn’t mean you are better than everyone else. 

Terry thought he was the biggest victim. His father was abusive, he’s black, and he grew up poor. Terry used his self-righteousness to manipulate people and gain things he didn’t earn. However, excuses only work for a short period. Terry advises not to compare your suffering to other people. It’s not a contest.

Terry found pornography to be a numbing device, something he always returned to but always left him unfulfilled. That made him turn to it more to feel fulfilled, only to be left empty again. So, it was a cycle and a secret he tried to keep from his family.

The change came when he confronted himself with his lies and excuses. Going for therapy changed his life, especially addiction treatment and the 12 steps.

Revenge is making others pay for everything they ever did to you. However, you can either have success, or you can have revenge. You can’t have both.

Revenge is trying to control what is not in your control. We can’t control people and what they say to us. The score is never settled. Violence promises you fulfilment but ultimately sets you up for a very hollow existence.  

Men often respond with aggression to prove that they are not weak. However, the greatest boxers in the world know how to take punches. In the long run, it's about how much you can take and keep going. 

When you become responsible, you don't have to react to negative remarks. You can choose how you will respond. If anybody calls you out, you are expected to knock them out. But you can go against decades of programming and say no to that.

There's no need to compete with other people. A movement that doesn't start with reconciliation is not worth supporting.

We have to reconcile men with women. We have to reconcile black to white. If we don't, we're just postponing the war. We'll strike again. With reconciliation, there's an agreement and understanding. There's no winning until we reconcile.