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Most people tend to overplay the risks involved in speaking up. âOur natural bias is to start by imagining all the things that will go wrong.â Your counterpart might be surprised and a little upset at first.
But chances are youâre not going to get fired or make a lifelong enemy. First, consider âthe risks of not speaking upâ â perhaps the project will be derailed or youâll lose the teamâs trust â then realistically weigh those against the potential consequences of taking action.
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After this risk assessment, you may decide itâs best to hold off on voicing your opinion. Maybe you havenât finished thinking the problem through, the whole discussion was a surprise to you, or you want to get a clearer sense of what the group thinks.
If you think other people are going to disagree too, you might want to gather your army first.
People can contribute experience or information to your thinking â all the things that would make the disagreement stronger or more valid.
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Before you share your thoughts, think about what the powerful person cares about â it may be âthe credibility of their team or getting a project done on time.â Youâre more likely to be heard if you can connect your disagreement to a âhigher purpose.â
When you do speak up, donât assume the link will be clear. The discussion will then become âmore like a chess game than a boxing match.â
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This step may sound overly deferential, but itâs a smart way to give the powerful person âpsychological safetyâ and control.
I have reasons to think that wonât work. Iâd like to lay out my reasoning. Would that be OK?â This gives the person a choice, allowing them to verbally opt-in.
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You might feel your heart racing or your face turning red, but do whatever you can to remain neutral in both your words and actions. When your body language communicates reluctance or anxiety, it undercuts the message.
Deep breaths can help, as can speaking more slowly and deliberately.
âWhen we feel panicky we tend to talk louder and faster. Talking in an even tone helps calm the other person down and does the same for you.â
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After youâve gotten permission, articulate the other personâs point of view. What is the idea, opinion, or proposal that youâre disagreeing with? Stating that clearly, possibly even better than your counterpart did, lays a strong foundation for the discussion.
âYou want your counterpart to say, âShe understands.â You donât want to get in a fight about whether you get her point.â
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When you move on to expressing your concerns, watch your language carefully to avoid any âjudgment wordsâ such as âshort-sighted,â âfoolish,â or âhastyâ that might set off your counterpart; one of his tips is to cut out all adjectives, since âthey have the potential to be misinterpreted or taken personally.â Share only facts.
For example, you can say, âWeâve tried four projects like this in the past, and we were able to do two in a similar time, but those were special circumstances.â
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Emphasize that youâre offering your opinion, not gospel truth. âIt may be a well-informed, well-researched opinion, but itâs still an opinion, [so] talk tentatively and slightly understate your confidence.â
Say, âThis is just my opinion, but I donât see how we will make that deadline.â
Remind the person that this is your point of view, and then invite criticism. Experts suggest trying something like, âTell me where Iâm wrong with this.â Be genuinely open to hearing other opinions.
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Ultimately, the person in power is probably going to make the final decision, so acknowledge that.
You might say, âI know youâll make the call here. This is up to you.â That will not only show that you know your place but also remind them that they have choices.
Donât backtrack on your opinion or give false praise, though. âYou want to show respect to the person while maintaining your self-respect.â
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đFull-time reader, part-time writer đ„Wait for the fire, 'cause you don't know what's higher
CURATOR'S NOTE
What do you say when you disagree with someone who has more power than you do? Find out by reading the stashes.
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