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It's Your Fault People Always Misunderstand You

https://www.themuse.com/advice/its-your-fault-people-always-misunderstand-you

themuse.com

It's Your Fault People Always Misunderstand You
There are some days when it feels like no one is listening. Your boss isn't understanding the project problems you discussed. Your team isn't getting results. Your new intern can't seem to grasp the simplest concepts. You think you're a pretty good communicator-but is it them, or you?

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Signs of poor communication skills

Signs of poor communication skills
  • People only approach you with questions or feedback when they absolutely need to do so.
  • If you walk away from a conversation or meeting and can’t remember what the other person said or can’t articulate their point of view, you’re not listening properly, which is essential for good communication.
  • If multiple people have misunderstood you on more than one occasion, it’s not just an isolated incident of 

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Do a Self-Assessment

Do a Self-Assessment
  • Take an honest look at how you communicate. Are you thorough, clear, and factual in how you convey yourself? How consistent are you in how you communicate?
  • Look at how clear you make your expectations—and how open you are to understanding what others expect of you.
  • Assess how do you handle “crucial conversations” that can be emotionally or politically charged.

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Ditch Your Assumptions and Ask

Ditch Your Assumptions and Ask

To be effective in information gathering, you need to let go of assumptions and be aware enough to recognize when you’re jumping to conclusions, making judgments, or using labels.

Asking curious, open-ended questions encourages dialogue instead of dictating what other people should do or think, And the best communicators listen more than they speak.

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Define Your Expectations

Define Your Expectations

If you’re not getting the result you want, go back to whether you were clear about what, exactly, those results should have been.

If you’re using a lot of jargon or vague language or trying to communicate in endless emails instead of calling a quick face-to-face meeting where you can show that you’re open to questions and explaining what you want, you’re likely to get much better results.

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Listen

Listen

Listening is essential to good communication. 

After meetings, for example, jot down a few notes about what was said and what others’ viewpoints were. If you can’t articulate them, it’s a sign you need to go back and ask more questions to be sure you are clear.

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Establish a System of Feedback

Establish a System of Feedback

People who are continuously seeking feedback are the ones who get the best at it for saying: "What am I missing here? What have I not told you? Am I filling you in consistently?"

Those who are hungry for feedback are the ones who will improve most consistently.

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Be Human

Be Human

It’s important to remember that all people have good days and bad days. 

Being a good communicator requires compassion, empathy, and understanding when communicating—especially in potentially difficult conversations.

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Cut all the contact

Keep your distance and don’t text, email, meet in person or call.

Cutting the ties for good when it’s over puts you on a faster path to healing.

  • Set up an “Emergency ...

Let Your Emotions Out

Cry, sob your eyes out, scream and yell. As long as it doesn’t hurt yourself or anybody else, find ways to release and let go of the pain you may be feeling. 

Listen to sad songs. Listening to sad songs can regulate negative emotion and mood as well as consolation. 

Accept the fact that it’s over

Coping with the end of a relationship is a little bit like a 12 step program. You will reach acceptance far sooner by staying away from that person.

Don’t over-analyze what could have been different. Your mission now is to get to the place where you aren’t battling with yourself about the way things are. Do this with compassion and don’t beat yourself up.

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Confirm with everyone

It's not uncommon for hiring managers to hand you over to someone else on the team to meet you at the last minute. Send a quick email to encourage them to plan: 

Hi Kamala, I’m really...

The interviewer’s LinkedIn and Twitter

Skim their history on LinkedIn, then move way down to the bottom. If they have endorsements and recommendations, it can give you a feel for their management style.

Twitter can help you guess at an interviewer's personality, interests, and values.

Your “about me” answer

Your interviewer will probably open with some form of "Tell me a little about yourself.Plan your answer using a few quick bullet points to keep things brief en then commit it loosely to memory.

  • Skip your personal history.
  • Give two or three sentences about your career path.
  • Mention how you decided to apply to this job.
  • Leave enough curiosity that the interviewer becomes excited to learn more about you.

Learning to communicate effectively

Effective communication is an attainable and deliberately acquired skill set, one that can be learned and practiced over time.

While it’s true that individual attributes can make

Smoke out original though

To become a more effective communicator, you must 'smoke out' original thought. Rather than conforming to the status quo, make a conscious decision to abandon overdone and clichéd material/

Citing tired platitudes might win you a few "cool points" in social media circles, but they will only take you so far if you're truly striving to effectuate change. 

Prepare an impactful delivery

Once you’ve developed a fresh idea, work on organizing your message and polishing your delivery. Think about:

  • How  you will launch a stunning opening and closing line
  • How you will organize your material succinctly so that it is both moving and memorable (perhaps tweetable and repeatable)
  • Compelling details that should be included.
  • Your vocal and non-verbal communication (body language).