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6 Signs of a Codependent Relationship
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Codependency
The traditional definition of codependency focuses on control, nurturing, and maintenance of relationships with individuals who are chemically dependent or engaging in undesirable behaviors, such as narcissism.
A classic codependency model is an alcoholic husband and his enabling wife.
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Signs of Codependency
Ask yourself these questions:
- Does your sense of purpose involve making extreme sacrifices to satisfy your partner's needs?
- Is it difficult to say no when your partner makes demands on your time and energy?
- Do you cover your partner’s problems with drugs, alcohol, or the law?
- Do you constantly worry about others’ opinions of you?
- Do you feel trapped in your relationship?
- Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments?
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The Development of Codependency
When a child grows up in a dysfunctional home with unavailable parents, the child takes on the role of caretaker, learn to put the parents need first, and repress and disregard their own needs.
As the child becomes an adult, he or she repeats the same dynamic in their adult relationships.
Resentment builds when you don’t recognize your own needs and wants. A common behavioral tendency is to overreact or lash out when your partner lets you down.
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Recovering from Codependency
Getting in touch with deep-rooted feelings of hurt, loss, and anger will allow you to reconstruct appropriate relationship dynamics. You will know you are on track when:
- You nurture your own wants and desires
- You say goodbye to abusive behavior.
- You respond rather than react to your partner.
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SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:
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Codependent Couples
- There may be an imbalance of power or one partner may have taken on responsibility for the other.
- They’re often anxious and resentful and feel guilty and responsible for their partner...
Interdependent Couples
- Interdependency requires two people capable of autonomy.
- They share power equally and take responsibility for their own feelings, actions, and contributions to the relationship.
- They can manage their thoughts and feelings on their own and don’t have to control someone else to feel okay.
- They can allow for each other’s differences and honor each another’s separateness.
- There’s support for each other’s personal goals, but both are committed to the relationship.
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Codependency
Codependency essentially happens when one person is sacrificing more for their relationship than the other.
In a healthy relationship it's normal to depend on your partner for comfort and su...
Filling in the gaps
The first sign of codependency will involve one person starting to take on the responsibility to keep in touch and connect while the other partner pulls back in how much time, effort, and care they are giving.
As soon as this happens, the relationship has shifted in an unhealthy direction towards codependency.
'Fixing' your partner
Codependent personalities tend to thrive on helping others (or even thinking they may 'fix' them). When caring for another person stops you from having your own needs met or if your self-worth is dependent on being needed, you may be heading down the codependent path.
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Criticizing or Listening
Do you tend to hear your partner out when she’s sharing his or her perspective or do you jump in quickly to point out the problems with their views?
Try listening and giving your par...
Blaming vs. Supporting
When things go wrong for your partner—on the job, with friends, or personally—do you tend to identify the faults in them that may have led to their difficulties or do you offer support and a willing ear?
Tearing down your partner when the world is doing a good job of this already does no good for your relationship.
Complaining or Encouraging
If your partner is taking on a new challenge or trying to solve a problem or fix something that’s broken, do you complain about their success and pace or do you offer encouragement and act as a cheerleader?
Improve your partner’s chance of success by giving them space and positive encouragement. You should view yourselves as a team, not as rivals.