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Codependency vs. Interdependency
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Codependent Couples
- There may be an imbalance of power or one partner may have taken on responsibility for the other.
- They’re often anxious and resentful and feel guilty and responsible for their partner’s feelings and moods.
- They can feel trapped in the relationship because they fear that they cannot function on their own.
- They can’t tolerate disagreement and blame one another for causing their problems without taking responsibility for themselves.
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Interdependent Couples
- Interdependency requires two people capable of autonomy.
- They share power equally and take responsibility for their own feelings, actions, and contributions to the relationship.
- They can manage their thoughts and feelings on their own and don’t have to control someone else to feel okay.
- They can allow for each other’s differences and honor each another’s separateness.
- There’s support for each other’s personal goals, but both are committed to the relationship.
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Codependency
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Signs of Codependency
Ask yourself these questions:
- Does your sense of purpose involve making extreme sacrifices to satisfy your partner's needs?
- Is it difficult to say no when your partner makes demands on your time and energy?
- Do you cover your partner’s problems with drugs, alcohol, or the law?
- Do you constantly worry about others’ opinions of you?
- Do you feel trapped in your relationship?
- Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments?
The Development of Codependency
When a child grows up in a dysfunctional home with unavailable parents, the child takes on the role of caretaker, learn to put the parents need first, and repress and disregard their own needs.
As the child becomes an adult, he or she repeats the same dynamic in their adult relationships.
Resentment builds when you don’t recognize your own needs and wants. A common behavioral tendency is to overreact or lash out when your partner lets you down.
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Interdependence
Being dependent on another person can be unhealthy. Independence, taken to an extreme, can actually get in the way of us being able to connect emotionally with others in a meaningful way.&nbs...
Codependency
A codependent person tends to rely heavily on others for their sense of self and well-being. There is an enmeshed sense of responsibility to another person to meet their needs and/or for their partner to meet all of their needs to feel okay about who they are.
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Stand together
The relationship is unique
Don’t compare your relationship to anyone else’s – not your parent’s, friend’s, coworker’s, or that random couple whose relationship seems perfect. Keep in mind that all relationships have their ups and downs.
Focus on what you two share, and make your unique bond the best it can be.