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Do you take things personally? (And who doesn’t?) Here’s how to stop

https://ideas.ted.com/do-you-take-things-personally-and-who-doesnt-heres-how-to-stop/

ideas.ted.com

Do you take things personally? (And who doesn’t?) Here’s how to stop
Communications expert Frederik Imbo gives two strategies that have helped him drop the blame and pain.

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Taking Things Personally

Taking Things Personally

Most of us take any adverse, awkward or even an accidental situation where there has been neglect, offence or betrayal, in a personal manner and feel hurt. This is mainly because of our ego, which needs acknowledgement and importance.

If we stop taking things personally, others lose their power over us, and we are free to experience harmony and connection between us and the world; we can focus our energy on positive stuff, rather than on the continuous negative spiral that we get entrapped in.

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Strategies For Not Taking It Personally

  1. Understand that it is not about you: Wanting respect and recognition is the handiwork of our ego, and what other people think, say or do has many other factors, apart from you.
  2. Give yourself some empathy: By speaking up and opening up with the other person in a polite way, one can clarify what one feels without any blame or accusation.

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  • "They did that just so I'd have to stop." This is a fallacy known as misattributing causation - you don't know the other person's intentions.
  • "They almost totaled my car." It catastrophizes a scary situation into utter destruction.
  • "Nobody knows how to drive anymore" overgeneralizes a specific situation into a universal truth.
  • "I was here first. They shouldn't have gotten in my way." Here you make an unreasonable demand that somehow other people should know where you're going.
  • "That dumb jerk!" is inflammatory labeling that dehumanizes and insults the other person.
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Tackling Trust Issues

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It is quite possible that certain employees are not trusted by the manager, and there is a lack of confidence in their abilities. The employees are given lower-quality work or are micro-man...

Competent, Reliable and Trustworthy

  • Once there is clarity, one needs to enhance the bosses perception about being competent, reliable and trustworthy. Playing on one’s strengths while correcting the weak areas is a good initial strategy.
  • Have frequent check-ins to ensure there is no derailment, or to make any course correction.
  • Provide a plan of action that is tangible, measurable and showcases your progress in a visual, clear way.
  • Provide daily or weekly updates about your activities and try to appear bold and confident.

Being Transparent With Your Work

  • Do not protest if you still get lower-quality work, as it may lead to the boss believing that you should not be given higher-quality work, just like before.
  • Be transparent and forthcoming and the work with your boss rather than providing them with bad news at the last moment.
  • Do not rush towards becoming a ‘hero’ right away, and try to make steady progress, demonstrating your competence.

Chronically Late People

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Being late is a chronic habit and shifting towards punctuality can take weeks or even months, as the person has to break down a pattern (of being late) and build a new one.

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Running Late: Breaking The Habit

The amount of energy it takes to rush into things and trying to reach frantically on time, and then to repent afterwards, can be harnessed and channelled into working towards being punctual.

Being accountable towards one’s tardiness, when the consequences like the loss of a job, or a major client, can spur a person into breaking the internal denial about their lateness being something tolerable by others.