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Fear of abandonment
Some people will pursue multiple relationships simultaneously because of a fear of abandonment.
They want to have a backup relationship in case something goes wrong, but in doing so, they are putting their relationship at risk, living a lie, and not dealing with their fear of abandonment in a healthy way.
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Signs of the fear of abandonment
- You feel jealous often.
- You go overboard in the relationship.
- You have thoughts about their partner or spouse leaving you.
- You demand an unrealistic portion of time with your significant other.
- You have difficulty in trusting their partner or spouse and are controlling.
- You always look out for the next relationship or significant other to replace the one most recently lost.
- You feel unworthy, less than or unworthy of love.
- You have lower self-esteem/ self-confidence.
- You end relationships before the other person can.
- You stay in unhealthy or abusive relationships because of the fear of being abandoned or alone.
- You will pursue relationships with people who are emotionally unavailable.
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The reason behind the fear of abandonment
Generally, people who have a fear of abandonment feel they are not worthy of being loved.
When a child is attached to someone, and the person leaves them, they are left feeling that they were not fully loved. Even though this is likely not the truth, the child will wonder what made them unlovable. As an adult, they may still feel there is something about them that makes them not worthy. They often believe they should control things so that the person doesn't leave them.
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Overcoming the fear of abandonment
- The first step in overcoming the fear of abandonment is to realise that you are worthy of love, flaws and all.If you are in a relationship, don't allow it to become your identity or the center of your worth.
- Become emotionally self-reliant. A relationship does not define you. Remind yourself often that it is not another person's job to make you feel emotionally secure. That security comes first from you.
- Consider where your fear of abandonment started.
- You may never entirely eliminate your fear of abandonment, but you can control your reactions to the fear. When you recognise fearful moments in your relationship, you can channel the thoughts into positive self-talk.
- Accept the idea of being alone. If you have a relationship that ends, see it as an opportunity to embrace a season of singleness. Your worth is not based on your relationship status.
- Your fear of abandonment causes you to fixate on your partner to the exclusion of any other friendships. To have a balanced life, you need friends beyond one singular person. You need a network of people who can be your support system.
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