Much of the confidence we crave is based on how we want others to see us.Confidence comes from within. It’s not just about owning the stage and giving a knockout performance but putting the time in to learn the lines, finessing the routine.

Confidence comes from within

True confidence in yourself doesn’t come only from the knowledge you already possess, but a willingness to learn more.
There’s no shame in admitting you don't know something; you’re showing just how confident you can be. Ask questions, be curious about the world around you.

True confidence

A truly confident man won’t get aggressive or arrogant, because those traits suggest someone is losing control.  He knows keeping cool and talking in a calm, measured way is the quickest way to get respect.

The confident man is calm

Failure is as important a part of success as winning - you have to know it, own it and learn from it.A truly confident man will see failure as just one of many outcomes.

Admit when you’re wrong

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If only we could flick a switch and instantly be more confident. But how would it feel? How would you know if it had worked? Maybe your chest would immediately pump up or you would radiate some kind of powerful glow, your eyes clearer than they'd ever been, <a href="https://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/topic/shoes">shoes</a> shinier, <a href="https://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/topic/hair">hair</a> sleeker.
Wishing to be more confident is something many of us aspire to - perhaps we feel our perceived lack of it helps opportunities pass us by, both personal and professional. The brasher men get laid faster and climb the career ladder quicker, right? We assume those who appear to have faith in themselves have a better time, get everything right, but if you plucked up enough of your own courage to ask them what their secret was, I think it's likely they'd be at a loss to tell you.
Maybe the trick to being more confident is working out what it actually means. Are we even getting the concept right? When you think of a confident person, perhaps you picture someone who knows how to work a room, comes up with intelligent points effortlessly and exudes an air of success. Others think of confidence as the courage and conviction to do what you want through sheer will. They might be bold, arrogant, loud and inconsiderate, running roughshod over others' feelings. Or is confidence the art of being the centre of attention and owning it, of having the floor and being totally at ease with yourself? And which one do you want to be?
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'Maybe the trick to being more confident is working out what it actually means'
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Much of the confidence we crave is based on how we want others to see us. We're told, again and again, that fortune favours the brave, that we must be go-getters, ceaselessly ambitious, with no end of goals, side hustles and wins to check off our list. But if your confidence is only superficial, and comes from the begrudging respect of others because you managed to speak up the loudest or made something difficult look easy, how useful is it?
For me, confidence comes from within. It's not just about owning the stage and giving a knockout performance, but putting the time in to learn the lines, finessing the routine. A lot of confidence and, conversely, the lack of it, relates to knowledge. As the old adage goes: knowledge is power. You don't have to be particularly clever - look at some of our current crop of politicians, whose self-belief seems evangelical and based on very little brain power. While knowing lots of things and having letters after your name must be a lovely feeling, true confidence in yourself doesn't come only from the knowledge you already possess, but a willingness to learn more. So many men cross the gossamer-thin line from confidence to arrogance because they feel they know enough, their minds are closed, but true confidence comes from the power to be able to say, "I didn't know that; tell me more".
Disclosing a gap in your knowledge goes against everything we're taught - men should be reliable, in control and full of solutions. It's why so many men suffer with <a href="https://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/topic/mental-health">mental heath</a> issues such as <a href="https://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/article/what-is-anxiety">anxiety</a> and <a href="https://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/article/how-to-help-someone-with-depression">depression</a> - living up to an ideal that's unattainable. There's no shame in admitting you don't know something; you're showing just how confident you can be. Ask questions, be curious about the world around you.
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'True confidence comes from the power to be able to say, "I didn't know that; tell me more"'
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Confident men listen to others' experiences and learn from them or challenge them. They take things in that they can use elsewhere. They believe in self-improvement. A real sign you're dealing with a confident man is his calmness - that's not to say he will be a compliant mannequin letting everyone else talk over him, but a truly confident man won't get aggressive or arrogant, because those traits suggest someone is losing control. Sure, he'll have his moments - he's not a god - but he knows keeping your cool and talking in a calm, measured way is the quickest way to get respect. And with the respect from others comes... yes, the c-word. Confidence, that is. Even confident men need the validation of others; it's not always about vanity, but reassurance you're on the right track.
A confident man doesn't just work the room, he reads it. Through research he's done - anything from poring over documents for work or a quick scroll through <a href="https://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/topic/instagram">Instagram</a> to see who's boning who - he can either tune into the rest of the room or, if he doesn't like the tone, make the decision whether to try to change it or leave.
Just as it's hard to confess we don't know something, admitting you're wrong and apologising is anathema to many guys. It's a pride thing, I guess. We worry that despite all the other times we're right, this is the occasion they'll remember: how wrong we were that one time, or those two times, and how we can never live it down. This is bollocks, of course; most people have their own lives to lead, bins to take out and children's noses to wipe. Those who do highlight your failings time and time again - other men, usually, because "boys will be boys" - only expose their own lack of confidence and admitting they're threatened by you. Weird, huh?
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'Failure is as important a part of success as winning - you have to know it and own it and learn from it'
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Concentrate on what you're good at or, if it's something that's not your natural forte, on the benefit it will give you. You don't need to be the best at everything. "Jack of all trades and master of none" is a ropey old adage designed to keep everyone at arm's reach while the privileged few - the one-trick ponies - collect the spoils. Disregard it. It's important to be realistic about your chances, but even more important to remember the thing almost every man I've ever met forgets: you may fail and that is fine. Failure is as important a part of success as winning - you have to know it and own it and learn from it. A truly confident man will see failure as just one of many outcomes.
<a href="https://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/article/best-self-help-book">Self-help books</a> will tell you that to be confident you must do <a href="https://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/article/deep-breathing-exercises">breathing exercises</a>, walk taller and repeat mantras in the mirror every morning. All those things may be true, but, for me, a confident man is a man who thinks, listens, can admit when he's wrong, is aware of the world around him and his place in it and, crucially, is willing to share it.
If you need a soundbite to get you through the darkest hours, here it is: a confident man is a kind man. Go ahead, you've got this. Forward.
Read more: <a href="https://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/article/what-is-dadbod">We're calling bullshit on the 'dad bod'</a> <a href="https://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/article/what-sti-do-i-need-to-tell-my-partner-about-uk">How to tell your partner (and anyone else) that you have an STI</a> <a href="https://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/article/how-to-get-over-a-break-up">How to get over a break-up</a> </div>

How to be more confident: You might not think you have it, but anybody can learn to have more confidence. The Guyliner talks you through the ways to embrace your weaknesses, read the room and come out a kinder, more confident gent.

If you want to be more confident, start admitting to the gaps in your knowledge

Confidence comes from within

True confidence

The confident man is calm

Admit when you’re wrong

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