Why You Click with Certain People
Curated from: greatergood.berkeley.edu
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When you click with someone
When you click with someone, everything the other person says rings true. Your speech rhythms match and conversation flow without a single awkward silence.
If you feel like you're "on the same wavelength" with someone, there's a good reason for that. Neuroscientists call it interpersonal synchronization.
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Neural synchrony
We resonate with some people more than others.
- Neural synchrony occurs between couples. One study showed that merely being in each other's presence caused their brain waves to sync, particularly in wavelengths called the alpha-mu band.
- Neural synchrony occurs in mundane situations. One study showed that the brain activity of volunteers viewing clips was exceptionally similar among friends. But the similarity decreases between friends of friends, or friends twice removed, and so forth.
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Neural homophily
Neural homophily - where like befriends like - as measured by brain activity, underpins the phenomenon of clicking. It's why you and that stranger can laugh at the same things, or see the logic in the same argument.
But homophily also describes how the same things like age, ethnicity, and education level can draw people together, meaning that the traits made people friends, and the neural activity was secondary.
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Brain-to-brain coupling
People whose conversations with others are full of awkward silences might have neural patterns that are out of sync.
There might be a way to increase your chances of clicking. Maybe clicking can be triggered by consciously matching someone's posture, vocal rhythm, facial expressions, and even eyeblinks.
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