Family Conflict Is Normal; It’s the Repair That Matters
Curated from: greatergood.berkeley.edu
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Familial Disconnection
Parents and their children aren't 100% attuned towards each other and that is a normal phenomenon. A study showed that even a healthy and securely attached family, the parents and their children, were only in sync 30% of the time. The remaining 70% shows that there were miscommunications and mismatches.
In addition to this, caregivers who meet all of their child's needs perfectly could impede the child's development.
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Importance of Repair and Ruptures
It is only natural for us to have disagreements without family members, however, being able to repair the rupture done is one of the most essential things in parenting.
A bid for repair is an important part of communication because you're exhibiting the value of not only the person but also of your relationship with them.
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Four Steps To An Authentic Repair
- Acknowledge the offense. Let the person affected know that you are taking accountability for your words and your actions.
- Express remorse. A sincere "I'm sorry" is sufficient. Let go of the fear that you might be letting go of your power.
- Consider offering a brief explanation, only if the person is willing to listen to your side of the story but focus on apologizing.
- Express your sincere intention to fix the situation and prevent it from happening again
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Strengthening The Family Fabric
- Spend "special time" with each child individually in order to create more space to deepen your relationship with them on a one-on-one basis. Let them choose the activities you'll be doing at your special time.
- Appreciate your child out loud, practice gratitude, and notice the good that your children have done throughout the day or the week.
- Learn to respect and enjoy one another's presence without the over-reliance on power and authority that might lead to an issue.
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