How to Ask Great Questions

Asking a lot of questions (lots but not too many) unlocks learning and improves interpersonal bonding.

• TYPE 👉 People interacting with a partner who asks lots of follow-up questions (solicit more information) tend to feel respected and heard because it signals that you care & are listening. This type of question comes naturally to us anyways & so don't need much effort on our part.
• FRAMING 👉 Open-ended questions are useful in uncovering information or learning something new. It doesn't force answerers into a yes-or-no corner making people feel interrogated. Closed questions work best when you don't want to leave the other person much wiggle room; eg. tense negotiations.
• SEQUENCE 👉 During tense conversations asking tough questions (not too sensitive) first can make people more willing to open up. For building relationships, open with less sensitive questions and escalate slowly.
• TONE 👉 People open up more easily when asked questions in a casual way. They also tend to be more forthcoming when given an escape hatch or “out” in a conversation. That's why teams and groups find brainstorming sessions so productive.
• PRACTICE 👉 Like everything else, we become better questioners through practice - asking, learning, tweaking.

The way we answer can encourage trust and information sharing.

It's about choosing the right balance between privacy & transparency - decide 'before' a conversation what information is to be shared & what kept private.

• What to share 👉 Think carefully whether refusing to answer tough questions would do more harm than good. Transparency can sometimes be a very powerful bonding agent.
• What to keep private 👉 Negotiation sometimes requires handling hard questions without lying. In such cases, answering a question you wish had been asked, can be effective.