"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering." Whenever we suffer, especially for long periods of time, at first we believe it is because of something outside of us--something we hate. And if we make it past that emotion, we find below that hate is a rumble of anger, and certainly something we have held on to for far too long. But beneath all of that is always fear. Fear of loss. Fear of vulnerability. Fear of letting go.

Beneath Anger Is Always Fear

What you do today is one more action toward who you will be tomorrow. When that action is replicated over the course of a week, you begin to scratch the surface of change. When that action is replicated over the course of a month, you begin to notice a slight difference. Do not underestimate the power of each and every small habit, replicated over time. For good or bad, your habits determine who you will ultimately become.

Our Everyday Habits Form Our Future Selves

Most people do not get to spend their lives doing whatever it is they love. Instead, they do what they are told they should do, or what their parents or town or friends or peers suggest that they do. Or they simply pursue nothing close to their heart at all. But if you want to "do what you love," you need to see that as a privilege, not an expectation. Those people are not the majority. So if that's what you truly want, you have to put in the work now.

Do What You Love

This is quite a cliche phrase and is often said in a negative context. But I am using it differently: It is worth acknowledging that, at the end of the day, we all must provide for ourselves. We all have our own dreams, goals, aspirations, families, close friends, and significant others, and we all want the same fundamental things. There are those you can trust, of course, but the best way to keep yourself rooted and at ease is to know that each and every person has his or her own agenda. You cannot control others. You cannot expect them to put you before themselves.

Everyone Has There Own Agenda

<figure><img alt="" src="https://miro.medium.com/max/500/0*jcR8Rs1kwTZS4plT" width="785" height="523"><figcaption class="ef eg cw cu cv eh ei cb b ej cd ce" data-selectable-paragraph="" dir="ltr">Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@mbennettphoto?utm_source=medium&amp;utm_medium=referral" class="ch ek" rel="noopener nofollow" dir="ltr">Matthew Bennett</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/?utm_source=medium&amp;utm_medium=referral" class="ch ek" rel="noopener nofollow" dir="ltr">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><img alt="Ayodeji Awosika" src="https://miro.medium.com/max/500/2*YkbHaAA1eUYXY93CbGcATg" width="48" height="48">Imagine you’re in the waning hours of your life. Maybe you’re old and the biological clock is tired of ticking. Maybe you have a terminal illness and you know the end is near.You have your family members with you trying to support you as best they can. You’re reflecting on the life you’ve lived. You’ve been alive long enough to be considered to have had enough time on this earth — maybe 80 years old.Yet, for some reason, you feel like the time was wasted. You wish you could have done more…been more. When you reflect on the life you’ve lived, here are the things you’re NOT going to care about.<h1 data-selectable-paragraph="">How safe and practical you were</h1>You’re not going to look back and say:“You know what, my pragmatism was unparalleled. I could have done something more exciting with my life — like starting a business I love, traveling the world, or opening a non-profit organization — but I’m truly proud of the sound judgment I used in deciding to become an accountant with a steady salary. I paid my loans back in an adequate time frame. My 401k developed steadily and yielded a seven percent return year-over-year. Other options would have posed more risk and I am glad I chose the most predictable and certain route.”Now, does this mean never save any of your money, ever? No. Does it mean that you should live by the motto YOLO every single day and never take any pragmatic actions in your life? No. But it does mean that you might overestimate the importance of concepts like safety and pragmatism. Often, we use these words to mask our fear. We want a little adventure, some risk, and some pursuits that aren’t guaranteed but provide a sense of meaning.I get emails and messages from middle-aged and older people telling me how much they regret playing it safe their whole life and doing the “right thing” instead of the things they really wanted to do.<h1 data-selectable-paragraph="">How much embarrassment you avoided</h1>Again, you’re not going to look back and think“Gee, the comfort of knowing I never risked being laughed at for having an out-of-the-box idea clearly outweighs how great it would have felt to give the idea a shot.” Sure, my time on earth is finite, but at least I didn’t have to feel butterflies in my stomach briefly.”And that’s all that gets in your way, in our way, in all of our ways. It’s so annoying. The feeling of rejection and embarrassment are nothing more than little physiological feelings you feel momentarily. But, they do feel bad. So bad that you want to avoid them at all costs. I don’t have a perfect remedy for this, but I always try to remind myself that none of this matters so much that I should care so deeply about what others think.<h1 data-selectable-paragraph="">How much you kept up with the Jones’s</h1>Speaking of opinions, at the end of your life, you’re not going to <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anm12pPr24w" rel="noopener nofollow" dir="ltr">care much about the opinions</a> of people you didn’t even like in the first place. You won’t be elated that you too bought a Lexus, which you earned by your thrilling job as a “B2B sales analyst” or whatever, and showed Jim across the street that not only do you have an equivalent car, but an even more impressive LinkedIn profile than he does.I’m not pointing my nose up at you. I’m a slave to consumerism just like you. I’m writing this on a brand new Macbook Pro — I could’ve bought a cheaper model without the prestigious Apple logo. I’m wearing designer boots. I have way too much Nike Apparel. But I try to keep it at bay.I drive a $2,500 car even though I can afford to buy a brand new Benz. I live in a decent apartment when I could buy a half-million-dollar home. I’m a lot wealthier than I look. And I want to keep it that way because I realize that the desire to look wealthy comes from a place of insecurity. Don’t waste your life doing things you don’t want to do just because you can buy nice things.I think about dying all the time. Like, what if today was my last day on earth? Would I want to spend it complaining or thriving? Would I want to spend it doing the things I want to do or the things I felt like I had to do? Am I moving in a direction I chose or one that someone else chose for me? Using death as a lens, am I spending my time wisely?Nobody can escape the vortex of uselessness that life can be at times, but I remind myself of my mortality as much as possible so that I can do things that will matter to me when it’s all said and done.<h1 data-selectable-paragraph="">Do things I enjoy &amp; be creative</h1>I love to write. It’s the only thing I do where I feel like I shouldn’t be doing anything else. This is something I try to remember now that I’ve<a href="https://forge.medium.com/the-5-year-rule-how-to-create-the-future-you-want-e25e00770612" rel="noopener" dir="ltr"> turned it into a full-time career.</a> I get caught in the desire trap, too. Even now. I have all these plans to keep growing the business and expand my audience, but then I remember how much fun I had when I was dead broke writing for pure joy. I remember the reason I started in the first place.You have to pay the bills. Making money is nice. But creative energy makes you feel alive. You don’t have to be an ‘artist’ to feel creative and alive. You just have to do things that make you feel creative and alive. You never regret doing something that puts you in a flow state, gets you deep in the zone, and makes you lose yourself for a little while — the chaos of life fading into the background.<h1 data-selectable-paragraph="">Make an Impact and Leave a Legacy</h1>So many people have reached out to me and told me that my words have helped them do what they’ve always wanted to do. I can’t change the world, but I can use whatever talent I do have to a useful end. And that end is you.I won’t lie. I’m self-interested. I get a kick out of inspiring you. There’s nothing wrong with that. In your life, do things that make you feel like you’re having an impact on the world, no matter how big or small. You can make an impact doing damn near anything. You provided the context to the things you do day in and day out.As far as legacy goes, I don’t have this deep need to be remembered by future generations. I used to. But not anymore. I’ll be dead, so who cares? But I do love the idea that my great-grandkids will be able to read my books even after I’m gone. I like the idea that the work I do can act as a time capsule.I’ll likely keep writing until the day I die, so hopefully, there’s a ton of runway left to keep making an impact, but I’m going to make that impact by not relying on the possibility of that long run away.<h1 data-selectable-paragraph="">Be a good person</h1>It’s been interesting to watch my motivations change over the years. I used to be driven heavily by ambition, a chip on my shoulder, the sense that I needed to prove something. I wanted it all — wealth, power, status. I won’t lie and say I still don’t want these things, But I’ve shifted much more to the mindset that if I just chill out and focus on giving and helping, life will turn out just fine.I just want to leave a positive vibe around everyone I come across. My goal is to be a great father, son, friend, leader, etc. Worldly success with a rotten hardened heart means you’ve failed — a wall street banker who’s paranoid and miserable has failed, even if he’s worth $100 million because it cost him his soul.I do the things I’d be proud of if I was forced to look back on my life and question how I lived it. I’m not perfect, but I’m aware, and that’s the first step.

Imagine you’re in the waning hours of your life. Maybe you’re old and the biological clock is tired of ticking. Maybe you have a terminal illness and you know the end is near. You have your family…

My Publish

Imagine you’re in the waning hours of your life. Maybe you’re old and the biological clock is tired of ticking. Maybe you have a terminal illness and you know the end is near.

You have your family members with you trying to support you as best they can. You’re reflecting on the life you’ve lived. You’ve been alive long enough to be considered to have had enough time on this earth — maybe 80 years old.

Yet, for some reason, you feel like the time was wasted. You wish you could have done more…been more. When you reflect on the life you’ve lived, here are the things you’re NOT going to care about.

You’re not going to look back and say:

“You know what, my pragmatism was unparalleled. I could have done something more exciting with my life — like starting a business I love, traveling the world, or opening a non-profit organization — but I’m truly proud of the sound judgment I used in deciding to become an accountant with a steady salary. I paid my loans back in an adequate time frame. My 401k developed steadily and yielded a seven percent return year-over-year. Other options would have posed more risk and I am glad I chose the most predictable and certain route.”

Now, does this mean never save any of your money, ever? No. Does it mean that you should live by the motto YOLO every single day and never take any pragmatic actions in your life? No. But it does mean that you might overestimate the importance of concepts like safety and pragmatism. Often, we use these words to mask our fear. We want a little adventure, some risk, and some pursuits that aren’t guaranteed but provide a sense of meaning.

I get emails and messages from middle-aged and older people telling me how much they regret playing it safe their whole life and doing the “right thing” instead of the things they really wanted to do.

Again, you’re not going to look back and think

“Gee, the comfort of knowing I never risked being laughed at for having an out-of-the-box idea clearly outweighs how great it would have felt to give the idea a shot.” Sure, my time on earth is finite, but at least I didn’t have to feel butterflies in my stomach briefly.”

And that’s all that gets in your way, in our way, in all of our ways. It’s so annoying. The feeling of rejection and embarrassment are nothing more than little physiological feelings you feel momentarily. But, they do feel bad. So bad that you want to avoid them at all costs. I don’t have a perfect remedy for this, but I always try to remind myself that none of this mattersso much that I should care so deeply about what others think.

Speaking of opinions, at the end of your life, you’re not going to <a dir="ltr" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anm12pPr24w" rel="noopener nofollow">care much about the opinions </a>of people you didn’t even like in the first place. You won’t be elated that you too bought a Lexus, which you earned by your thrilling job as a “B2B sales analyst” or whatever, and showed Jim across the street that not only do you have an equivalent car, but an even more impressive LinkedIn profile than he does.

I’m not pointing my nose up at you. I’m a slave to consumerism just like you. I’m writing this on a brand new Macbook Pro — I could’ve bought a cheaper model without the prestigious Apple logo. I’m wearing designer boots. I have way too much Nike Apparel. But I try to keep it at bay.

I drive a $2,500 car even though I can afford to buy a brand new Benz. I live in a decent apartment when I could buy a half-million-dollar home. I’m a lot wealthier than I look. And I want to keep it that way because I realize that the desire to look wealthy comes from a place of insecurity. Don’t waste your life doing things you don’t want to do just because you can buy nice things.

I think about dying all the time. Like, what if today was my last day on earth? Would I want to spend it complaining or thriving? Would I want to spend it doing the things I want to do or the things I felt like I had to do? Am I moving in a direction I chose or one that someone else chose for me? Using death as a lens, am I spending my time wisely?

Nobody can escape the vortex of uselessness that life can be at times, but I remind myself of my mortality as much as possible so that I can do things that will matter to me when it’s all said and done.

I love to write. It’s the only thing I do where I feel like I shouldn’t be doing anything else. This is something I try to remember now that I’ve<a dir="ltr" href="https://forge.medium.com/the-5-year-rule-how-to-create-the-future-you-want-e25e00770612" rel="noopener">turned it into a full-time career. </a>I get caught in the desire trap, too. Even now. I have all these plans to keep growing the business and expand my audience, but then I remember how much fun I had when I was dead broke writing for pure joy. I remember the reason I started in the first place.

You have to pay the bills. Making money is nice. But creative energy makes you feel alive. You don’t have to be an ‘artist’ to feel creative and alive. You just have to do things that make you feel creative and alive. You never regret doing something that puts you in a flow state, gets you deep in the zone, and makes you lose yourself for a little while — the chaos of life fading into the background.

So many people have reached out to me and told me that my words have helped them do what they’ve always wanted to do. I can’t change the world, but I can use whatever talent I do have to a useful end. And that end is you.

I won’t lie. I’m self-interested. I get a kick out of inspiring you. There’s nothing wrong with that. In your life, do things that make you feel like you’re having an impact on the world, no matter how big or small. You can make an impact doing damn near anything. You provided the context to the things you do day in and day out.

As far as legacy goes, I don’t have this deep need to be remembered by future generations. I used to. But not anymore. I’ll be dead, so who cares? But I do love the idea that my great-grandkids will be able to read my books even after I’m gone. I like the idea that the work I do can act as a time capsule.

I’ll likely keep writing until the day I die, so hopefully, there’s a ton of runway left to keep making an impact, but I’m going to make that impact by not relying on the possibility of that long run away.

It’s been interesting to watch my motivations change over the years. I used to be driven heavily by ambition, a chip on my shoulder, the sense that I needed to prove something. I wanted it all — wealth, power, status. I won’t lie and say I still don’t want these things, But I’ve shifted much more to the mindset that if I just chill out and focus on giving and helping, life will turn out just fine.

I just want to leave a positive vibe around everyone I come across. My goal is to be a great father, son, friend, leader, etc. Worldly success with a rotten hardened heart means you’ve failed — a wall street banker who’s paranoid and miserable has failed, even if he’s worth $100 million because it cost him his soul.

I do the things I’d be proud of if I was forced to look back on my life and question how I lived it. I’m not perfect, but I’m aware, and that’s the first step.

Bite-sized knowledge
to upgrade
your career

Powerful Lessons People Often Learn Too Late in Life

Beneath Anger Is Always Fear

Our Everyday Habits Form Our Future Selves

Do What You Love

Everyone Has There Own Agenda

IDEAS ABOUT

MORE LIKE THIS

17 Life Lessons You Can Learn From Anime In 7 Minutes

How to Have a Good Family Life

Stop Spending So Much Time In Your Head

It's time to

READ

LIKE

A PRO!

Bite-sized knowledgeto upgradeyour career

Powerful Lessons People Often Learn Too Late in Life

Beneath Anger Is Always Fear

Our Everyday Habits Form Our Future Selves

Do What You Love

Everyone Has There Own Agenda

IDEAS ABOUT

MORE LIKE THIS

17 Life Lessons You Can Learn From Anime In 7 Minutes

How to Have a Good Family Life

Stop Spending So Much Time In Your Head

It's time to

READ

LIKE

A PRO!

Bite-sized knowledge
to upgrade
your career