Ask an Expert: What Should I Do If My Boss Is Gaslighting Me? - Deepstash
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Gaslighting is a covert type of behavior that is adept at undermining other people's self-esteem, confidence, and sense of reality.

Its toxicity flies under the radar due to its being subtle and sneaky in nature.


571 reads

Interrogating Your Experience

Make sure that you're actually being gaslit by your boss and they're not just being jerks. Many gaslighters lie and deny things that they said - even in writing.

They project their own faults and flaws onto other people and often would insinuate that you are the incompetent one.


145 reads

Record and Minimize Your Interactions

As much as possible it's best if you lessen your interaction with your gaslighting boss but during conversations try to have witnesses around and use emails or other written documentation to recap conversations and agreements.

Having a real-time record of your interactions will make it harder for your boss to question your sanity and backpedal on agreements. Moreover, seek out mentors and actively look to build networks and build relationships with different leaders.


98 reads

Protect Your Mental Health

  • Do whatever you can in order to create distance between your mental well-being and your boss's abusive behavior.
  • If possible you can try to externalize their behavior instead of ruminating on them. The way people treat you is a statement of who they are as a person, not a statement about you.
  • Focus on reaffirming your value and engage in many life-affirming activities. Remind yourself of who you are and what your values are.


103 reads

Create A Strong Network System

It's critical to have a strong support system by your side whenever we're dealing with emotionally challenging situations.

surround yourself with friends and people who support you and encourage you, these can be family, friends, work colleagues, or even therapists.


94 reads

Confronting or Escalating With Extreme Caution

Before confronting or escalating this issue with management, do your homework first. Have a clear game plan for what you want to achieve from that conversation.

  1. Ask trusted colleagues if they have any information or experience that would be helpful;
  2. Check out sites where employees leave reviews of their employers.

Be specific with the resources and support you need in order to execute your job and explain to your boss how this will benefit them and the organization.


62 reads

Explore Opportunities Within Your Organization

There are also other ways to escape your toxic boss without having to leave your company.

Try to look into other positions in the company that are within your interests, meet with colleagues and managers in other departments, and think about where your skills might translate.


95 reads



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