If, even after everything, you still cannot get yourself to like your parent's new partner, keep on a good face.Don't let yourself lose contact with your parent and try to go out sometimes with them or maybe just your parent alone, but don't make their partner feel alienated. If in any case, their relationship works out you could always end up with a surprising new friend.

Never lose touch

It's never a good idea to make your parent choose between you or their new partner because although you might win in the short term, ask yourself if you can bear seeing your mom or dad spending the next three decades alone.It's true that no one can replace the people in our memories, but you shouldn't use them as an emotional stick with which to beat others.

Don't make them choose

<div data-print-layout="hide">It can be hard to see your mum or dad with someone new following a divorce or bereavement, but it’s important to be open-minded</div><figure><picture itemprop="contentUrl"><source srcset="https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/e4b4bc66a3c2598325fb28c7bdbe60c7e5ecf831/0_164_5027_3016/master/5027.jpg?width=620&amp;quality=45&amp;auto=format&amp;fit=max&amp;dpr=2&amp;s=3334c1b879497e2725da48d46b8c0590 1240w, https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/e4b4bc66a3c2598325fb28c7bdbe60c7e5ecf831/0_164_5027_3016/master/5027.jpg?width=605&amp;quality=45&amp;auto=format&amp;fit=max&amp;dpr=2&amp;s=b5b307cf5451168bb2ef19edf500ddd7 1210w, https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/e4b4bc66a3c2598325fb28c7bdbe60c7e5ecf831/0_164_5027_3016/master/5027.jpg?width=445&amp;quality=45&amp;auto=format&amp;fit=max&amp;dpr=2&amp;s=ad9b5556a0a0b0c6a44efd0654d5c2a5 890w" sizes="(min-width: 660px) 620px, 100vw" media="(-webkit-min-device-pixel-ratio: 1.25), (min-resolution: 120dpi)"><source srcset="https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/e4b4bc66a3c2598325fb28c7bdbe60c7e5ecf831/0_164_5027_3016/master/5027.jpg?width=620&amp;quality=85&amp;auto=format&amp;fit=max&amp;s=2f25a025fb3c3f4cd03f07704d6d8399 620w, https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/e4b4bc66a3c2598325fb28c7bdbe60c7e5ecf831/0_164_5027_3016/master/5027.jpg?width=605&amp;quality=85&amp;auto=format&amp;fit=max&amp;s=272dfb06c4dd34bb1af1efd2221e5c43 605w, https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/e4b4bc66a3c2598325fb28c7bdbe60c7e5ecf831/0_164_5027_3016/master/5027.jpg?width=445&amp;quality=85&amp;auto=format&amp;fit=max&amp;s=81c3ae1eeb1a69a2af5c084f02cfb947 445w" sizes="(min-width: 660px) 620px, 100vw"><img alt="If your parent begins a new relationship, aim to like the person despite any reservations" src="https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/e4b4bc66a3c2598325fb28c7bdbe60c7e5ecf831/0_164_5027_3016/master/5027.jpg?width=445&amp;quality=45&amp;auto=format&amp;fit=max&amp;dpr=2&amp;s=ad9b5556a0a0b0c6a44efd0654d5c2a5" height="407" width="678"></picture><figcaption dir="auto">If your parent begins a new relationship, aim to like the person despite any reservations. Photograph: Alamy</figcaption></figure>Your parent is lonely through divorce or bereavement so naturally you are overjoyed when they get a new partner – you would never sabotage something so wonderful, would you?1. It’s not about you. Think back to when you were a teenager and how little your parents’ opinion mattered, especially when it came to romantic relationships. Work on the same premise now that your parent is in the first giddy moments of new love and let them get on with it, showing polite interest if they decide to share.2. Oversharing is bad. Especially when it comes to sex. It doesn’t matter that you are now both adults as there is a natural line to be drawn, which is something older people often miss when it comes to the thrill of a freshly awakened libido. Remind them that STIs are on the rise <a href="http://www.fpa.org.uk/factsheets/sexually-transmitted-infections" title="" data-link-name="in body link" dir="ltr">among the over-45s</a>, tell them the address of their nearest sexual health clinic and then keep the conversation clean.3. Is it ever too soon? Possibly, but don’t voice doubts unless you are convinced you are right and even then, tread with caution. If your parent is ready to try a new relationship after bereavement, take it as a compliment to the happiness of the first marriage, or a recognition that life is too short to dither. This can also be the spur behind a sudden new relationship where it has taken months or years of misery to&nbsp;finally divorce; take it in your stride, as disapproval can turn something mediocre into the forbidden passion of Romeo and Juliet at any age.4. Make them welcome. You’re too old to think of this new person as a parent, so get to know them and give them a chance. Meeting in a crowd – as&nbsp;in including grandchildren or a&nbsp;couple of friends – can help to break the ice. Avoid conversations that sound uncomfortably like an interrogation. “How did you meet?” is always easy, while “How did you vote?” is strangely not so. Aim to like them despite any reservations and give your parent credit for the choices they make.5. Voice any worries – once. There are some things you can’t ignore, such as the fear that someone is fleecing your parent or taking advantage in some other way. Express your worries with more self-deprecation than hectoring – “I’ve probably got this totally wrong, but I worry about them moving in so soon / borrowing £10,000 from you / being so jealous of your friends …” Really listen to their response, concede that you have probably got it all wrong and then leave it. Harping on will result in them being defensive and protective of their&nbsp;new relationship and unlikely to&nbsp;confide in you if they do have any worries about it. If they do confide, stay calm and practical.6. Grandchildren are sacred. No matter how you might feel about the new partner, the grandparent/grandchild relationship is untouchable. Never voice criticism to your children in the hope that it will filter back to your parent, and never use your children as blackmail, or ban the new partner from seeing them. If they want to do something dodgy, such as motorbike riding without crash helmets, you might have a point, otherwise avoid the temptation to meddle. And, remember, the more people who love a&nbsp;child the better.7. No choosing. Don’t make your parent choose between you and their new partner. You might win in the short term, but take a view here – do you really want your mum or dad spending the next 30 years alone? If you feel that no one could replace your mum or dad, then that’s your issue, with a lot of history behind it. No one can replace memories, but you shouldn’t use them as an emotional stick with which to beat others.8. Never lose touch. If, despite everything, you still cannot warm to the new partner, put on a good face. Stay close to your parent and ensure your children do likewise, go on occasional outings alone with your mum or dad, but never let their partner feel alienated, and see if you can find a&nbsp;common interest with them. If the relationship lasts, you could end up with a surprising new friend; if it doesn’t, keep your delight to yourself and never say, “I told you so.”… we have a small favour to ask. Through these challenging times, millions rely on the Guardian for independent journalism that stands for truth and integrity. Readers from 180 countries chose to support us financially more than 1.5 million times in 2020.With your help, we will continue to provide high-impact reporting that can counter misinformation and offer an authoritative, trustworthy source of news for everyone. With no shareholders or billionaire owner, we set our own agenda and provide journalism that’s free from commercial and political influence. When it’s never mattered more, we can investigate and challenge without fear or favour. Unlike many others, we have maintained our choice: to keep Guardian journalism open for all readers, regardless of where they live or what they can afford to pay. We do this because we believe in information equality, where everyone deserves to read accurate news and thoughtful analysis. Greater numbers of people are staying well-informed on world events, and being inspired to take meaningful action.We aim to offer readers a comprehensive, international perspective on critical events shaping our world – from the Black Lives Matter movement, to the new American administration, Brexit, and the world's slow emergence from a global pandemic. We are committed to upholding our reputation for urgent, powerful reporting on the climate emergency, and made the decision to reject advertising from fossil fuel companies, divest from the oil and gas industries, and set a course to achieve net zero emissions by 2030.If there were ever a time to join us, it is now. Every contribution, however big or small, powers our journalism and sustains our future. . Support the Guardian from as little as $1 – it only takes a minute. Thank you.

It can be hard to see your mum or dad with someone new following a divorce or bereavement, but it’s important to be open-minded

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

communication

Communication

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

Your parent is lonely through divorce or bereavement so naturally you are overjoyed when they get a new partner – you would never sabotage something so wonderful, would you?

1. It’s not about you. Think back to when you were a teenager and how little your parents’ opinion mattered, especially when it came to romantic relationships. Work on the same premise now that your parent is in the first giddy moments of new love and let them get on with it, showing polite interest if they decide to share.

2. Oversharing is bad. Especially when it comes to sex. It doesn’t matter that you are now both adults as there is a natural line to be drawn, which is something older people often miss when it comes to the thrill of a freshly awakened libido. Remind them that STIs are on the rise <a data-link-name="in body link" dir="ltr" href="http://www.fpa.org.uk/factsheets/sexually-transmitted-infections" title="">among the over-45s </a>, tell them the address of their nearest sexual health clinic and then keep the conversation clean.

3. Is it ever too soon? Possibly, but don’t voice doubts unless you are convinced you are right and even then, tread with caution. If your parent is ready to try a new relationship after bereavement, take it as a compliment to the happiness of the first marriage, or a recognition that life is too short to dither. This can also be the spur behind a sudden new relationship where it has taken months or years of misery to finally divorce; take it in your stride, as disapproval can turn something mediocre into the forbidden passion of Romeo and Juliet at any age.

4. Make them welcome. You’re too old to think of this new person as a parent, so get to know them and give them a chance. Meeting in a crowd – as in including grandchildren or a couple of friends – can help to break the ice. Avoid conversations that sound uncomfortably like an interrogation. “How did you meet?” is always easy, while “How did you vote?” is strangely not so. Aim to like them despite any reservations and give your parent credit for the choices they make.

5. Voice any worries – once. There are some things you can’t ignore, such as the fear that someone is fleecing your parent or taking advantage in some other way. Express your worries with more self-deprecation than hectoring – “I’ve probably got this totally wrong, but I worry about them moving in so soon / borrowing £10,000 from you / being so jealous of your friends …” Really listen to their response, concede that you have probably got it all wrong and then leave it. Harping on will result in them being defensive and protective of their new relationship and unlikely to confide in you if they do have any worries about it. If they do confide, stay calm and practical.

6. Grandchildren are sacred. No matter how you might feel about the new partner, the grandparent/grandchild relationship is untouchable. Never voice criticism to your children in the hope that it will filter back to your parent, and never use your children as blackmail, or ban the new partner from seeing them. If they want to do something dodgy, such as motorbike riding without crash helmets, you might have a point, otherwise avoid the temptation to meddle. And, remember, the more people who love a child the better.

7. No choosing. Don’t make your parent choose between you and their new partner. You might win in the short term, but take a view here – do you really want your mum or dad spending the next 30 years alone? If you feel that no one could replace your mum or dad, then that’s your issue, with a lot of history behind it. No one can replace memories, but you shouldn’t use them as an emotional stick with which to beat others.

8. Never lose touch. If, despite everything, you still cannot warm to the new partner, put on a good face. Stay close to your parent and ensure your children do likewise, go on occasional outings alone with your mum or dad, but never let their partner feel alienated, and see if you can find a common interest with them. If the relationship lasts, you could end up with a surprising new friend; if it doesn’t, keep your delight to yourself and never say, “I told you so.”

… we have a small favour to ask. Through these challenging times, millions rely on the Guardian for independent journalism that stands for truth and integrity. Readers from 180 countries chose to support us financially more than 1.5 million times in 2020.

With your help, we will continue to provide high-impact reporting that can counter misinformation and offer an authoritative, trustworthy source of news for everyone. With no shareholders or billionaire owner, we set our own agenda and provide journalism that’s free from commercial and political influence. When it’s never mattered more, we can investigate and challenge without fear or favour.

Unlike many others, we have maintained our choice: to keep Guardian journalism open for all readers, regardless of where they live or what they can afford to pay. We do this because we believe in information equality, where everyone deserves to read accurate news and thoughtful analysis. Greater numbers of people are staying well-informed on world events, and being inspired to take meaningful action.

We aim to offer readers a comprehensive, international perspective on critical events shaping our world – from the Black Lives Matter movement, to the new American administration, Brexit, and the world's slow emergence from a global pandemic. We are committed to upholding our reputation for urgent, powerful reporting on the climate emergency, and made the decision to reject advertising from fossil fuel companies, divest from the oil and gas industries, and set a course to achieve net zero emissions by 2030.

If there were ever a time to join us, it is now. Every contribution, however big or small, powers our journalism and sustains our future. . Support the Guardian from as little as $1 – it only takes a minute. Thank you.

How to cope with your parent’s new partner

Never lose touch

Don't make them choose

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