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How to keep quarantine from ruining your marriage

https://ideas.ted.com/how-to-keep-quarantine-from-ruining-your-marriage/

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How to keep quarantine from ruining your marriage
Within hours, I was getting texts. And FB messages. And then a call from a quasi-terrified sounding former student: "Any articles or books you can suggest about how my spouse and I spend the next many weeks together in our tiny apartment without offing each other?"

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Couples In Lockdown

Couples In Lockdown

In lockdown(or home quarantine), relationships are being stress-tested across the globe, as couples and partners live together 24/7, and have to deal with:

  • New kinds of stressful situations.
  • Working from home, which has its own unique challenges.
  • Makeshift PC workstations or workspaces.
  • No personal space.
  • Adjusting to the new rules of living together.

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Everyone is stressed out as there are losses all around. Most of us miss life before the lockdown. It is a good idea to let those feelings come out, listen attentively to the partner, and maybe give a hug, while avoiding any ‘fix-it’ response.

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Rituals

Rituals are important to maintain a positive connection. A ritual can be anything that makes you and your partner regularly turn towards each other, emotionally, physically or spiritually.


Rituals of connection form the pillars of this culture, making the bond stronger by reinforcing it.

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Kinds Of Rituals

Strong and meaningful rituals, whether it is praying together, or even coining nicknames, can stitch couples together and build strong relationships.

  • Certain couples have initiated rituals that mimic an office day.
  • Others have specific clothes to wear that signal that they are not to be disturbed.
  • Couples can give each other football-style yellow cards when one of them has done something stupid. They can also 'park' the mistakes and make a list to look into later.
  • Many couples have evening walks together to reconcile their day and apologize for any missteps.

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Remembering The Past

Reading old diaries and letters, or looking at old pictures is a great way to bond at home, while revisiting old memories when life wasn’t too complicated. Since there are kids present in most homes too due to schools being shut, the partners can read out old children’s books to them or have themed dinner parties at home.

It is important to stay home, stay safe and safeguard what’s most important to you: Your loved ones.

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The Negativity Bias

The Negativity Bias
... or the Negativity Effect is a tendency most of us have to respond more strongly to negative events and emotions than to positive ones.
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Magnified Faults

The Negativity Effect magnifies and distorts your partner's faults, whether real or imaginary.

The partner starts to wonder why isn't there any appreciation for all the good that is being done, and why the focus is only on the one bad thing.

Going Downhill

Relationships, especially long-term ones, don't get better with time but are kept intact by avoiding decline.

Married couples find contentment in other sources and remain satisfied with each other, and if not so, then the marriage breaks down.

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Change and the unchangeable

We like to think that things can be changed. That we are in control somehow.  That's why “never” hurts, because never means that it can’t be changed. “Never” means it’s over. It’s gone. And ...

Meaning and relationships

  • We generate meaning through relationships. And meaning is the fuel of our minds. 
  • Our relationships also define our understanding of ourselves. And when one of these relationships is destroyed, that part of our identity is destroyed along with it. 

Depression vs. sadness

  • Sadness occurs when something feels bad. 
  • Depression occurs when something feels meaningless. 

When something feels bad, at least it has meaning. In depression, everything becomes a big blank void. 

Single and happy

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Social capital and happiness

The so-called ‘social capital’ is perceived by the singles as a substitute for the affection that a life partner is to provide. 

More than that, for individuals who have recently gone through a divorce or the loss of love of any kind, social interactions seem to have particular importance, as they become a synonym for the support that they need in order to deal with the current difficulties.

Friends and your happiness

All in all, making sure that you keep your circle close to you, especially when you are single, can make a significant difference in your quality of life, as you are going to feel happier whenever you are surrounded by your friends, relatives and so on. 

So stay positive: being in a couple or choosing to stay single can result in the very same amount of happiness whatsoever.