We all know people who just can’t apologize — well, here’s why

Unfortunately, many of us mistakenly interpret the fragility-driven defensiveness of the people that cannot issue apologies as a sign of psychological strength.

That’s because outwardly they appear to be tough individuals who refuse to back down. But they don’t do this because they’re strong — it’s because they’re weak. 

Psychologically speaking, admitting that we’re wrong is emotionally uncomfortable and painful to our sense of self. In order to take responsibility and apologize, our self-esteem needs to be strong enough for us to absorb that discomfort. If our self-esteem is higher and stable, we can tolerate the temporary ding that such an admission involves — without the walls around our ego crumbling.

But if our self-esteem is seemingly high but actually fragile, that ding can pierce through our defensive walls and score a direct hit to our ego. The more rigid one’s defense mechanisms are, the more fragile the ego they’re protecting.