No More Mr Nice Guy Summary

Nice guys believe that if they are good and do everything right, they will be loved, get their needs met, and have a problem-free life.

This attempt to be good typically involves trying to eliminate or hide certain things about themselves (their mistakes, needs, emotions) and become what they believe others want them to be (generous, helpful, peaceful, etc.).

• caretaking
• giving to get
• keeping the peace
• avoiding conflict
• seeking approval
• hiding mistakes

• He has a strong sense of self. He likes himself just as he is.
• He takes responsibility for getting his own needs met.
• He is comfortable with his masculinity and his sexuality.
• He has integrity. He does what is right, not what is expedient.
• He is a leader. He is willing to provide for and protect those he cares about.
• He is clear, direct, and expressive of his feelings.
• He can be nurturing and giving without caretaking or problem-solving.
• He knows how to set boundaries and is not afraid to work through conflict.
• An integrated male doesn’t strive to be perfect or gain the approval of others.

• The is a new race of males called Nice Guys.
• Nice guys finish last
• Seeks approval of others
• Only cares about others by compromising themselves.

Myth: Nice guys always try to make others happy, then they will be happy and problem-free.

But when this strategy doesn't work they become frustrated and disappointed. 

Nice guys track all the help they did.

Psychologically they subconsciously expect the same effort in return as they did.

High-value people don't expect in return.

Taking Good Care of the Self Helps Nice Guys Learn To Approve Of Themselves.

Examples:

• Exercise, work out, go for a walk.

• Eat healthy food.

• Get enough sleep.

• Relax, play, goof off.

• Get a massage.

• Go out with buddies.

• Buy a new pair of shoes.

• Get shoes polished.

• Get dental work done.

• Get a physical.

• Listen to music.

Helps Nice Guys Learn To Approve Of Themselves.

Positive affirmations can help change the Nice Guy's core belief about himself. Affirmations replace old, inaccurate messages about the Nice Guy's worth with new, more realistic ones.

When alone, Nice Guys can discover who they are and what they like about themselves, do what they want without having to please or compromise and face their number one fear —loneliness and isolation.

Plan a weekend trip to the mountains or beach. If possible, plan a vacation or retreat for a week or longer by yourself to a place where no one knows you. Visit a foreign country by yourself if at all possible.

• Identifying and prevent approval-seeking behavior.
• Don't appear needless and wantless, otherwise your needs will not be met. Make your needs a priority.
• The absence of any discernible life energy in Nice Guys, is the reason that there's little to be attracted to.
• “Connecting With Men Helps Nice Guys Reclaim Their Masculinity.”  Build meaningful relationships with men.
• Face your fears. Develop integrity and honesty. Set boundaries.
• Deal with problems directly.