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Almost everyone who is unhappy with life is unhappy for the same reasons

Expectations shape your reality

They can change your life, emotionally and physically

You need to be extra careful about (and aware of) the expectations you harbor as the wrong ones make life unnecessarily difficult. 

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Almost everyone who is unhappy with life is unhappy for the same reasons

Almost everyone who is unhappy with life is unhappy for the same reasons

https://qz.com/647197/almost-everyone-who-is-unhappy-with-life-is-unhappy-for-the-same-reasons/

qz.com

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Key Ideas

Expectations shape your reality

They can change your life, emotionally and physically

You need to be extra careful about (and aware of) the expectations you harbor as the wrong ones make life unnecessarily difficult. 

The (un)fairness of life

A surprising number of us subconsciously expect life to be fair, and we believe that any unfairness that we experience will somehow be balanced out, even if we don’t do anything about it.

 If you’re stuck in that mindset, it’s time to get over it. When something “unfair” happens, don’t rely on outside forces to get you back on your feet. 

Opportunities don't just happen

One of the most important things a person can do is stick his or her neck out and seek opportunity. 

Just because you deserve a raise, a promotion, or a company car, doesn’t mean it’s going to happen. You have to make it happen. You have to put in the hard work, then go and get what’s yours. If we limit ourselves to what’s given to us, we are at the mercy of other people.

Being liked by everyone

When you assume that people are going to like you, you take shortcuts; you start making requests and demands before you’ve laid the groundwork to really understand what the other person is thinking and feeling.

Instead of expecting that people will like you, focus on earning their trust and respect.

Being "approved" by everyone

Most of us expect people to agree with us out of courtesy or because our ideas are so incredibly sound.

But something that’s obvious to you might not be so to someone with different experiences and a different agenda, so stop being offended when people disagree with you, and stop assuming that there is only one right answer (yours).

People can’t read your mind

... and what you’re trying to say is rarely what other people hear. You can’t expect people to understand you just because you’re talking—you have to be clear.  

Communication isn’t anything if it isn’t clear, and your communication won’t be clear until you take the time to understand the other person’s perspective.

Expecting to fail

If you expect to fail, you stand a higher chance of creating the very outcome you’re worried about. 

If you fail, accept that sometimes you’ll fail and sometimes you’ll succeed, but if you pursue an endeavor, believe with all your being that you’re going to succeed in that endeavor. 

Happy for the wrong reasons

Too many of us expect a future event (“I’ll be happy when I get that promotion”) to make us happy, instead of looking more deeply into the real causes of our unhappiness. 

If you don’t fix what’s going on inside, no external event or item is going to make you happy, no matter how much you want it to.

"Changing" someone

There’s only one person in this world you can truly change—yourself—and even that takes a tremendous amount of effort.

The only way that people change is through the desire and wherewithal to change themselves. So let go of this faulty expectation.

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Taking action = eventual success
Taking action = eventual success

Inaction is the biggest cause of our failures and our miseries. If we could consistently do the things we know we should do, we would be more successful, and our lives would be better. Yet w...

Explaining inaction

Some possible but weak reasons why action is hard:

  • Talent. But the world is full of brilliant stars that flame out and mediocre minds that build empires.
  • Preferences can explain our failure to try, but don't explain our inner struggles with inaction.
  • Capacity for effort. If your capacity for doing things is lower, it does not explain chronic bursts of activity with inevitable crashes in your goals and projects.
  • Motivation. Some people with the most reason have the hardest time taking action. 
Confidence
Motivation and expectation of success create a feedback loop:
  • Your motivation to complete a task depends on the value of the reward and your expectation of success. 
  • Your expectation of success depends on your motivation.

If your projects tend to fail, your expectations are low, and motivation fades. If your projects tend to succeed, your expectations go up, and motivation stays strong.

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Disengaged Employees

Engagement at work is a sign of employee motivation and resulting productivity. Unfortunately, only about 13% of people globally are engaged at work, and disengaged employees cost the economy $5...

What Not To Do
  • Do not make assumptions about a disengaged employee's performance. While statistically, such employees do underperform, there can be other reasons too.
  • Do not force an employee to be someone they are not. Everyone cannot be happy and optimistic all the time.
  • Do not get emotional, and stick to a transactional, formal, work-focused style. Do not expect to win their hearts or influence them by appealing to their emotions.
  • Do not assign employees tasks beyond their area of expertise.
Approaching Disengaged Employees
  • Use extrinsic motivating factors such as incentives and rewards to get productivity from a disengaged employee.
  • Understand what drives them, connect with them, gaining their trust and respect without being emotional, and focus on what they value.
  • Respect an employee's personal space and their need to distance their problems from their work.

Ultimately, it is what an employee delivers that matters most, and a manager has to focus on figuring out how to get the work done.

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“A person’s success in life can usually be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have.” 

Become very good at living each day

Momentum is created or destroyed every day with the first few decisions you make.

If you learn to master your day, you’ll learn how to master your weeks, months, years, and life.

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