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How to Conquer Your Fears Once and for All
Evaluate Risk Level
Just because something feels scary, doesn’t mean it’s actually risky. Educate yourself about the facts and the risks you actually face by doing the things that scare you.
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Decide if you should face your fear
- Consider the pros and cons of not facing your fear.
- Write those down.
- Identify the pros and cons of tackling your fears head-on.
- Write down what you might achieve or how your life might be different.
The best way to conquer a fear is to face your fears head-on in a healthy manner that helps you move past the fear rather than in a way that traumatizes you.
Evaluate Risk Level
Just because something feels scary, doesn’t mean it’s actually risky. Educate yourself about the facts and the risks you actually face by doing the things that scare you.
Create an Action Plan
The key to facing your fears is to take one small step at a time. Going too fast or doing something too scary before you are ready can backfire.
Keep moving forward. A moderate amount of anxiety is good. Don’t wait to take a step forward until your anxiety disappears.
If you can’t actually do the thing that scares you to practice, you might use imagined exposure.
Seek Professional Help
- If you have a specific phobia that you are not able to conquer on your own.
- If your fears are debilitating, or you aren’t having much success facing them on your own.
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Why You Self-Sabotage
For many people, the fear of rejection and the fear of engulfment keep them out of relationships.
These fears are based on false beliefs, such as success or failure defines my worth as...
How You Self-Sabotage
Relationships:
- You keep yourself isolated.
- You make so many demands on your partner that he or she feels smothered and ends the relationship.
- You judge everyone you meet as not being good enough for you.
Work:
- You keep putting off looking for the kind of job you want.
- You are able to work, and say you want to, but keep living off other means.
- You stay in a job that you hate.
- You keep yourself uneducated regarding doing what you really want to do.
Healing Your Self-Sabotaging Behavior
- Notice self-judgments.
- Shift your definition of your worth, from outcomes to effort. Decide that you will define your worth by the loving actions you take for yourself and others.
- Consciously see mistakes and failure as stepping stones to success, rather than as definitions of your worth.
- Learn to be kind and compassionate toward your own feelings.
- Make a decision that you are willing to lose another person rather than lose yourself.
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Fear is natural
Unrecognized or unacknowledged core fears are almost always a root cause of professional distress and unattained potential.
The fears are not necessarily bad. A willingness to take a h...
Most common fears
- Fear of being wrong. People with this fear are extremely focused on rules, ethics, standards, and “right vs wrong.”
- Fear of not being good enough. Those with this fear tend to be insecure, intensely focused on their image, and desperate to prove their worth.
- Fear of missing out. This drives leaders to constantly seek new opportunities and experiences and to pursue multiple interests at once.
- Fear of being victimized or taken advantage of. Those suffering from this fear feel the need to win every battle and can be defensive and controlling.
Admit your fear
In the first phase, take a close look at your history. Examine the choices you've made and the reasons behind those choices.
For instance, not putting effort into pursuing your own interests but instead, activities in which you can excel could point to the fear of not being good enough.
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