What Is Ghosting And Why Do People Do It? - Deepstash
What Is Ghosting And Why Do People Do It?

What Is Ghosting And Why Do People Do It?

It is what it sounds like: suddenly disappearing (from a relationship); like a ghost.

The term is usually used in the context of a (burgeoning) romantic relationship, but it happens in (long term) friendships as well.

Emotionally stunted people do this because it's easy.

  • They fear confrontation and don't know what healthy communication looks like.
  • They have already mentally moved on and just stop talking to avoid the difficult conversation.
  • They lack empathy and understanding.

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Effects Of Being Ghosted

Being ghosted is hurtful. No matter if you know someone for a short or a long period of time.

Loving someone or having deep real (even platonic) feelings for them, can make it intensely painful and will most likely leave long-term (mental) scars.

Effects are:

  • At best - being confused, self-conscious and concerned.
  • At worst - doubting and questioning your self-worth, having lots of unanswered questions and getting no closure.

You would feel discarded or thrown out. It's the most painful thing a human can experience.

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CLAIRE POSTL

ABOUT THINKING GHOSTING IS A GOOD THING TO DO

"It’s a lie you are telling yourself—you are pretending like someone is not hurt when they really are."

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What To Do Instead Of Ghosting Someone?
  1. Use direct communication, no matter how hard it is. It will provide a sense of closure and finality.
  2. Do it in person. This way both participants will feel heard.
  3. Do it at a respectable time. For instance, don't do it right before someone has to go to work.
  4. Practise before or write it down. This way you can keep your thoughts clear.
  5. Use "I" statements. Keep the focus on how YOU feel, not what they might have done wrong.
  6. Give kind feedback if someone wants questions answered.
  7. Accept that it will hurt for both you and them. And that's okay.

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RAMANI DURVASULA

WHEN GHOSTING ÍS NEEDED

"If you are ending a relationship where you are worried that your partner will react in a violent or abusive way: Put your safety first and in the case of abuse, ghosting is often the best and safest option."

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Professionally Ghosted

To be ghosted by your professional contacts, like a Linkedin connection, your prospective client, or your office colleague can feel confusing, with a sense of rejection that can shatter your confidence.

We try to retrace our steps and figure out what went wrong, and also try to follow up for the sake of closure.

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Rekindling Of An Old Flame

Breakups and subsequent renewals are quite common across all types of romantic relationships and even marriages.

Falling apart and then seeking to mend the old relationship seems to be deeply rooted in our psychology.

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The new relationships norms

There are new trends in the intimate relationship landscape. We want to maintain unclear relationships - too afraid to be alone, but unwilling to fully engage in intimacy building.

This stable ambiguity inevitably creates an atmosphere where at least one person feels constant uncertainty, and neither person feels really appreciated or nurtured.

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