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How To Win Any Argument, No Matter What
Validate Their Feelings
Saying things like 'I understand why you'd feel that way...' or 'Anyone would feel like that in the same situation' validates the other person's emotions and completely disarms them.
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Key Ideas
Look At It As A Conversation
Go back to the concept of talking with someone rather than talking to someone.
It can help keep the other person cool, which pretty much always means you've won the argument.
Make It All About Them
The key to successful persuasion is to show how and why something matters in relation to that person's life and experience.
Don't Lose Your Cool
Losing your temper will only anger the other person, which will heighten the argument.
If you can keep things calm, you might even be able to stop the argument.
Switch Perspective
Step into the mind of the person you are arguing with and see their view.
This allows you to figure out what is influencing them and you can come back with a powerful counter-argument.
Keep Your Facts Straight
Quoting incorrect information weakens your point, which is essentially an automatic loss.
Check your facts and avoid yelling about any old thing. If you aren't sure about something, you can always say, "I'd need to look into that."
Avoid Using Exaggerations
Words like "everybody, always, never" are broad generalizations.
They make your point unbelievable, while also angering whoever you're talking to.
Try To Be More Persuasive
During an argument, think like a salesperson and try to be as persuasive as possible. Facts don't persuade, emotions do.
To pull on the other person's heartstrings, toss in some imagery or relate the story back to them. Hopefully, they'll calm down and see things your way.
Use "I" Statements
Instead of casting blame and saying things like "you did this" and "you did that," try using "I" statements.
An 'I' statement stops people from becoming defensive when bringing up a topic of concern.
Respect Their Point Of View
The best way to keep an argument calm is to be as kind as possible. Respectfully acknowledge the other person's viewpoint, even if you don't agree with it.
Say things like "I see what you're saying there," or "That's a good point."
Try To Politely Disengage
If the other person is truly getting out of control, it's often best to disengage. A perfect phrase to drop is: 'If you say so.'
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Convince Them With Confidence
- Speak confidently, be concise, and try not to repeat yourself.
- Give the appearance that you truly know what’s right from the beginning, even if you don’t have all o...
Avoid Common Argument Fallacies
Winning an argument often comes down to who can go the longest without contradicting themselves and keeping sound logic, not direct persuasion of the other party.
Anecdotal Fallacy
Using a single personal experience as the foundation of your argument or your big piece of evidence.
For example, your phone may have broken right after you bought it, but you can’t use that to argue that those phones are not worth the purchase for others.
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- Make sure you communicate you are not there to fight (using your tone of voice, for example).
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Raising Your Voice
You can sense this happening when people rush to talk over one another.
Releasing Tension
- Slowing things down: take a deep breath before speaking, to create a pause, to reduce the tension and to open up the other person to your position.
- Inflections: upward inflections are good for de-escalating conflict because they show you are not there to control and command.
- The ability to crack a joke and the ability to take a joke and laugh make you more persuasive, give the impression of being on the same side and release the tension.
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