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10 Types of Negative Self-Talk (and How to Correct Them) | Nick Wignall
Mind Reading
It happens when we assume we understand what other people are thinking without any real evidence.
It is a failure of imagination because we often only imagine and focus on the negative aspects.
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Key Ideas
Narrative Habits
The way we talk to ourselves about the events in our lives is subject to the same laws of learning and habit formation that physical behaviors are.
That means we can learn to talk to ourselves in specific ways just like we can learn to tie our shoes or say please and thank you.
Events + Thoughts = Emotions
Our emotions are always mediated by some form of thinking.
If our thoughts determine how we feel, that means how we habitually think will determine how we habitually feel.
Overgeneralization
It is the habit of telling ourselves that a negative event is bound to continue happening in the future.
When we overgeneralize, we make predictions about the future based on isolated pieces of evidence from the present.
Magnification
It happens when we take our own errors or flaws and exaggerate them.
We take small negative events and turn them into disasters in our minds.
Minimization
it involves being dismissive of our strengths and positive qualities.
It keeps us in a cycle of feeling inferior because we never focus or enjoy our true positive qualities and accomplishments.
Emotional Reasoning
It is the habit of making decisions based on how we feel rather than what we value.
It's when we use our emotions and feelings as evidence for what we should or shouldn’t do. Depression and procrastination are common results of this.
Black and White Thinking
It is the tendency to evaluate things exclusively in terms of extreme categories.
It sets us up for chronic disappointment: When our expectations are consistently exaggerated, we never meet them and then always feel bad about ourselves.
Personalization
It involves assuming an exaggerated responsibility for things that are mostly or entirely outside our control.
And this leads to excessive attempts at control, which in turn leads to chronic stress and anxiety.
Labeling
It is the habit of describing ourselves or others in one extreme way, usually negatively.
It is always an inaccurate oversimplification.
Change Your Negative Self-Talk
- It can often be easier to identify examples of negative self-talk in other people first.
- Change your (inner) tone of voice.
- Validate your feelings instead of analyzing them.
- Be intentional, not habitual, with your self-criticism. Schedule a time to reflect on a perceived mistake or flaw intentionally.
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"Needing" therapy
By framing therapy in terms of what we need rather than what we could benefit from, many people experience too much shame or embarrassment to try it.
Not everybody needs therapy. But ...
How therapy helps
- Understanding how the way we tend to think about things affects our moods and emotions
- Clarifying our values and strategizing about the most effective path toward them
- Learning to communicate directly and assertively in relationships or the workplace
- Building self-confidence in social situations
- Acquiring more effective parenting skills and techniques
- Working through complicated grief or loss
Therapy and growth
Ultimately, therapy is about growth and creating opportunities for positive change.
And in addition to improving traditional mental health struggles, therapy can also be a powerful and efficient way to make progress on personal goals or aspirations.
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Consider Finding a Therapist
It’s important to know that if your negative thoughts are persistent — impacting your quality of life and functioning — it could be a sign of something more serious. Consult a therapist or psych...
Keep a Journal
Journaling can be great for getting stuff off your chest and to become more self-aware. Often, we are unaware of our negative thoughts and miss the chance of challenging them — but writing regularly can help with that.
You can create a two-column journal. In the first column, keep notes on any self-criticism that comes up throughout the day. Later, rewrite the first column in more empowering or positive ways to reframe it.
Learn How To Take a Step Back
If you’re beating yourself up over something, picture someone that you love in your shoes and think what would you say or do to support them. This allows you to take a step back and practice a little self-compassion, it can help to keep things in perspective.
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Worrying about the future
Worrying is the mental habit of trying to solve a problem that either can’t be solved or isn’t really a problem.
It gives us the illusion of control. Worrying about i...
Isolating yourself
When we hide our pain and isolate ourselves, we throw away the most powerful antidepressant: loving support from people who care about us.
You don’t need coping strategies when you’re sad discouraged, or helpless. You need people. You need support. You need someone to give you a hug and listen carefully to your story.
Keeping quiet
Most of us hesitate to push back and stand up for ourselves because we’re afraid of being perceived as aggressive or rude. And so we default to being passive.
But there’s a middle road between being passive and aggressive: You can be assertive. It means standing up for your own wants, needs, and values, in an honest and respectful way.
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