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The way we talk to ourselves about the events in our lives is subject to the same laws of learning and habit formation that physical behaviors are.
That means we can learn to talk to ourselves in specific ways just like we can learn to tie our shoes or say please and thank you.
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Our emotions are always mediated by some form of thinking.
If our thoughts determine how we feel, that means how we habitually think will determine how we habitually feel.
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It happens when we assume we understand what other people are thinking without any real evidence.
It is a failure of imagination because we often only imagine and focus on the negative aspects.
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It is the habit of telling ourselves that a negative event is bound to continue happening in the future.
When we overgeneralize, we make predictions about the future based on isolated pieces of evidence from the present.
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It happens when we take our own errors or flaws and exaggerate them.
We take small negative events and turn them into disasters in our minds.
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it involves being dismissive of our strengths and positive qualities.
It keeps us in a cycle of feeling inferior because we never focus or enjoy our true positive qualities and accomplishments.
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It is the habit of making decisions based on how we feel rather than what we value.
It's when we use our emotions and feelings as evidence for what we should or shouldn’t do. Depression and procrastination are common results of this.
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It is the tendency to evaluate things exclusively in terms of extreme categories.
It sets us up for chronic disappointment: When our expectations are consistently exaggerated, we never meet them and then always feel bad about ourselves.
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It involves assuming an exaggerated responsibility for things that are mostly or entirely outside our control.
And this leads to excessive attempts at control, which in turn leads to chronic stress and anxiety.
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5
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By framing therapy in terms of what we need rather than what we could benefit from, many people experience too much shame or embarrassment to try it.
Not everybody needs therapy. But ...
Ultimately, therapy is about growth and creating opportunities for positive change.
And in addition to improving traditional mental health struggles, therapy can also be a powerful and efficient way to make progress on personal goals or aspirations.
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It’s important to know that if your negative thoughts are persistent — impacting your quality of life and functioning — it could be a sign of something more serious. Consult a therapist or psych...
Journaling can be great for getting stuff off your chest and to become more self-aware. Often, we are unaware of our negative thoughts and miss the chance of challenging them — but writing regularly can help with that.
You can create a two-column journal. In the first column, keep notes on any self-criticism that comes up throughout the day. Later, rewrite the first column in more empowering or positive ways to reframe it.
If you’re beating yourself up over something, picture someone that you love in your shoes and think what would you say or do to support them. This allows you to take a step back and practice a little self-compassion, it can help to keep things in perspective.
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Key Ideas
People became philosophers when they began to question what guides their thinking and analyze their thoughts.
Today, one of the most common destructive thought patterns is all-or-nothing thinking. In other words, perfectionism.
Pragmatism — as opposed to perfectionism — does not share the same paralyzing hang-ups; it takes what it can get.
Our pursuits should be aimed at progress, no matter how much it’s possible for us to make.