No matter how nice your criticism and how much you focus on actions, a criticism is often not the way to go.A suggestion can be positive, it can be seen as helpful, it can be seen as an instrument for improvement and change.

Suggestion, not criticism

Never criticize the person. Always criticize the actions. And when you’re making suggestions, make suggestions about actions, not about the person.

Relate to actions

<ul><li>Don’t attack attack, insult, or be mean in any way</li><li>Talk about actions or things, not the person.</li><li>Don’t tell the person he’s wrong.</li><li>Don’t criticize at all. Give a positive suggestion instead.</li></ul>

How to Deliver Criticism Kindly 

<ul><li>To help someone improve. Sometimes criticism is actual honest feedback.</li><li>To see a change that we would like. If we regularly read a magazine or blog, for example, there might be something that often bothers us that we’d like to see changed. </li><li>To further the discussion. Criticism can be a way to get a good, intelligent discussion about something going on.</li><li>To hurt someone or to vent our frustrations.</li><li>To boost our ego, to show how powerful or knowledgeable we are.</li></ul>

Why We Give Criticism

<ul><li>The criticism is mean-spirited. If you use insulting or degrading language or put down the person in any way, they will focus on that, and not on the rest of the criticism.</li><li>If you focus on the person instead of their actions, you will make them angry or defensive or hurt.</li><li>They assume you’re attacking them. Some people can’t take criticism in a detached, non-personal way. </li><li>They assume they’re right. Many people don’t like to hear that they’re wrong, whether it’s true or not.</li></ul>

Why Criticism Hurts or Angers

<ul><li>Negative criticism hurts the discussion because things can take an ugly turn from there.</li><li>It’s easy to give vague criticism. It’s harder still to make a specific, positive suggestion:</li></ul>

Be Positive And Specific

Can you give someone criticism without hurting their feelings or making them angry? Can you do it kindly? I think that's a difficult proposition for most people, but in truth it's possible to give criticism with kindness and have a decent chance of having the person take it constructively.

How to Deliver Criticism Kindly

How to Give Kind Criticism, and Avoid Being Critical : zen habits

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