How to Give Kind Criticism, and Avoid Being Critical : zen habits
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Why We Give Criticism
- To help someone improve. Sometimes criticism is actual honest feedback.
- To see a change that we would like. If we regularly read a magazine or blog, for example, there might be something that often bothers us that we’d like to see changed.
- To further the discussion. Criticism can be a way to get a good, intelligent discussion about something going on.
- To hurt someone or to vent our frustrations.
- To boost our ego, to show how powerful or knowledgeable we are.
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Why Criticism Hurts or Angers
- The criticism is mean-spirited. If you use insulting or degrading language or put down the person in any way, they will focus on that, and not on the rest of the criticism.
- If you focus on the person instead of their actions, you will make them angry or defensive or hurt.
- They assume you’re attacking them. Some people can’t take criticism in a detached, non-personal way.
- They assume they’re right. Many people don’t like to hear that they’re wrong, whether it’s true or not.
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How to Deliver Criticism Kindly
- Don’t attack attack, insult, or be mean in any way
- Talk about actions or things, not the person.
- Don’t tell the person he’s wrong.
- Don’t criticize at all. Give a positive suggestion instead.
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Suggestion, not criticism
No matter how nice your criticism and how much you focus on actions, a criticism is often not the way to go.
A suggestion can be positive, it can be seen as helpful, it can be seen as an instrument for improvement and change.
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Be Positive And Specific
- Negative criticism hurts the discussion because things can take an ugly turn from there.
- It’s easy to give vague criticism. It’s harder still to make a specific, positive suggestion:
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Relate to actions
Never criticize the person. Always criticize the actions.
And when you’re making suggestions, make suggestions about actions, not about the person.
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