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The Critical 7 Rules To Understand People

We're (Mostly) Focused On Ourselves

  • People are only focusing a small portion of their thoughts on judging you; your self-judgment is overwhelmingly larger.
  • People who appear to be mean or hurtful don’t usually do it intentionally. There are exceptions, but generally, the hurt you feel is a side-effect.
  • Relationships are your job to maintain. Don’t wait to be invited to parties or for people to approach you.

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The Critical 7 Rules To Understand People

The Critical 7 Rules To Understand People

https://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/2007/08/28/the-critical-7-rules-to-understand-people/

scotthyoung.com

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Key Ideas

We're (Mostly) Focused On Ourselves

  • People are only focusing a small portion of their thoughts on judging you; your self-judgment is overwhelmingly larger.
  • People who appear to be mean or hurtful don’t usually do it intentionally. There are exceptions, but generally, the hurt you feel is a side-effect.
  • Relationships are your job to maintain. Don’t wait to be invited to parties or for people to approach you.

Few Social Behaviors are Explicit

Most of the intentions behind our actions are hidden. If a person is feeling depressed or angry, usually the resulting behaviors distort their true feelings.

By focusing on empathy you can usually break away these subversions and get to the heart of the issue faster.

Our Feelings Are Not Explicit

Most of the time you feel something, nobody else knows about it. So don’t get angry when people aren’t responding to you.

If you deceive your thoughts with your actions, don’t get angry when you fool people.

Selfish Altruism

It happens when helping you directly or indirectly helps me. And our behavior is largely dictated by it.

Start understanding the motives of people and appeal to them as if they were selfish. Don’t expect people to offer aid outside of selfish altruism, it isn’t impossible, but it isn’t likely.

People Have Poor Memories

People are forgetful by nature (especially with information that doesn’t apply to themselves), so once again, don’t assume malice or disinterest if something is forgotten.

Everyone Is Emotional

Don't assume everything is fine just because someone isn’t having a nervous breakdown.

We all have our individual problems, angst, and upsets that are normally contained.

Loneliness

So many people who seem to have it all suffer from bouts of loneliness.

As social animals, people are especially sensitive to any threats to becoming ostracized.

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Most of the psychological theories are verbal, but words can be imprecise. If "cooperation is intuitive", it needs to state when. And what does "intuitive" mean?

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  • You can watch the spread of certain behaviors throughout a population and you can see how certain behaviors influence other behaviors.

The patterns that emerge can tell you things about large-scale social interaction that lab experiments and real people never could.

The human instinct to cooperate

There seems to be evolutionary logic to the human ability to cooperate but adjust if necessary. To trust, but verify. 

We generally collaborate with other people because it benefits us. Our rational minds let us work out when we might occasionally gain by acting selfishly instead.

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We surround ourselves with it: We tend to like people who think like us; if we agree with someone's beliefs, we're more likely to be friends with them.

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Professional swimmers don't have perfect bodies because they train extensively. Rather, they are good swimmers because of their physiques.

The sunk cost fallacy

It plays on this tendency of ours to emphasize loss over gain.

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