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The importance of perseverance
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Create space
It's useful to agree in advance to call a “timeout” or “press pause” before arguments begin.
It will give you the time to work through what happened. Because arguing when you are in a low emotional state is not going to help you.
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Creating a safe space
Fights often get out of control when you are both full of emotion and expressing it from a place of fear.
One of you has to have enough presence, away from your emotions, to create this safe space within which to have a conversation, to share and be heard.
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What if…?
Ask yourself these questions: “What if the other person had a point? What if I wasn’t being honest with myself? What if I wasn’t taking responsibility for something?”
This will provide a new lens through which you'll see the situation. You might realize that there ...
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Soft language vs. hard language
- Soft language: it uses “I” statements and focuses on the actions that took place, how they made us feel, and what we want to happen.
- Hard language: it starts with a generic hyperbole like “You always…” or “Why do you never…”
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Collect yourself
Before reacting, pause and allow your initial emotional reaction to pass.
Then address the opportunity again, and see how you respond differently. Repeat this process, giving yourself time to work through your old conditioning. Consider going for a drive/a walk. This will give you t...
3.d. ACTION PLAN: Labeling
Develop Your Emotional Vocabulary: The more precise you can be in identifying and articulating emotions, the more effective your labeling will be. Work on expanding your emotional vocabulary
Practice in Safe Settings...
"The Neftlix method" to control emotions
- The pause button. Create a habit of thoughtful action. Train yourself to take a moment to stop and think before you act or speak.
- Volume control. Train yourself to recognise when your volume is starting to go up.
- The tuning dial. As you'd change the film ...
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