How to Fight Well in Your Relationship
Curated from: tinybuddha.com
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Soft language vs. hard language
- Soft language: it uses “I” statements and focuses on the actions that took place, how they made us feel, and what we want to happen.
- Hard language: it starts with a generic hyperbole like “You always…” or “Why do you never…”
The softer and kinder our words, the less defensive we become.
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Create space
It's useful to agree in advance to call a “timeout” or “press pause” before arguments begin.
It will give you the time to work through what happened. Because arguing when you are in a low emotional state is not going to help you.
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What if…?
Ask yourself these questions: “What if the other person had a point? What if I wasn’t being honest with myself? What if I wasn’t taking responsibility for something?”
This will provide a new lens through which you'll see the situation. You might realize that there are things you could take responsibility for, that you were probably ignoring based on your initial triggered response.
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Creating a safe space
Fights often get out of control when you are both full of emotion and expressing it from a place of fear.
One of you has to have enough presence, away from your emotions, to create this safe space within which to have a conversation, to share and be heard.
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