Step 7: Powerful Agreement - Deepstash
Step 7: Powerful Agreement

Step 7: Powerful Agreement

After stating what you want, follow up with questions to see if that works for them. This fully engages them in deciding a solution so they will take ownership and feel inspired to follow the new plan.

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Step 4: Reflect

As you are exploring the situation with the other person, slow down and pay attention. As you listen, reflect on what you are hearing to make sure you understand it clearly.

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Step 6: Desire

Once you’ve stated the impact, you then move on to sharing what you actually want. Since you discovered this in Step 2, it will be a breeze to simply share it out loud.

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Step 1: I Don’t Like It

Notice that moment of internal resistance. It could come as irritation, impatience, or some other internal feeling of: Hey, I don’t like that.

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Step 2: What Do I Want?

The next step is to tune into that internal resistance and get curious. Ask yourself: What’s happening here? Why am I upset? And, most importantly: What do I want to be different?

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Step 3: I Noticed…

It’s OK to feel upset inside, but if you charge at them with accusations and hostility, the most natural reaction in the world is going to be defensiveness and fighting back. Instead, you can simply point out what you noticed to enter the conversation. The purpose is to bring up the challenging topic directly in a curious and neutral way. Using the phrase “I notice” removes an accusatory tone and allows the other person to be more receptive.

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Step 5: Impact

It's essential to share the impact of their behavior on you, and your reactions. Tell the other person what happens inside of you when they do X, Y, or Z. Just like with the previous steps, avoid using blaming language that makes the other person bad or wrong.

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Refers to a competitive negotiation strategy which is used when the parties seek to distribute a fixed resource such as money, assets, etc. between themselves. 

It is also known as zero-sum, or win-lose negotiation, in the sense that the parties to negotiation try to claim the maximum share for themselves and due to which when one party wins or reaches its goals and the other one loses.

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  • Conflict management assumes that conflict is a constant feature of group life. The idea is to keep it within boundaries, not to eliminate it.
  • Conflict resolution sees conflict as an interruption of normal life. The idea is to find a solution—usually a compromise—as quickly as possible.

In most cases, neither approach adequately deals with the issue. 

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When conflict arises, you need to raise the issue with the parties involved. 
Emphasize the need for your employees to address it. Explain that negative feelings and thoughts can be handled in an appropriate manner that can actually make them positive and productive.

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