They are inflexible perspectives that assume that when people who are “meant to be” start a relationship, they will live happily ever after without encountering doubts or difficulties.They are associated with poor relationship quality and low levels of satisfaction. The unrealistic expectations make it so relationships are unfulfilling and dispute to be seen as a sign it is not true love.

Destiny Beliefs

Try to open up conversations you usually run away from. Seeing your relationship survive and improve as a result of it, will help reinforce the idea that good relationships can, and do, involve disagreement and talking about problems.Also, be clear and effective when talking about an issue by using an XYZ statement: “When you do X in situation Y, I feel Z. ” This way you signal where you’re at emotionally and the specificity lets you work together to find practical adjustments to help resolve the issue.

Dealing With Disagreements

They assume that couples need to make an effort to overcome challenges in order to be successful and that happy relationships are the gradual result of teamwork.Studies suggest that people who hold growth beliefs demonstrate a greater level of commitment to their relationship, and are more optimistic when it comes to repairing damage following an argument.

Growth Beliefs

It isn’t reasonable to expect your partner to be a mind-reader, even if they have known you for a long time. Besides, it makes the other feel uncertain and needlessly prolongs and increases the conflict.Healthy communication does still entail making your needs and preferences explicit.

Reading Each Other’s Minds

The lack of communication and excessive expectations can lead to unsatisfactory or even dangerous sex.Talking about sex doesn’t have to be dramatic or threatening; it’s a means of showing appreciation and celebrating what we enjoy, as well as exploring ways to please each other even better.

Talking About Sex

If you believe that great relationships just happen naturally and nobody should ever have to work at them or talk things through, you tend to avoid problems rather than try and solve them.

Great Relationships

When he was upset about something I'd done, my ex had a habit of shutting down instead of communicating what had bothered him. After he became abrupt and retreated into silence or passive-aggressive avoidance, I would try my best to guess at his needs, but it often felt like fumbling in the dark.