The Dark Side of the Soulmate Myth

It isn’t reasonable to expect your partner to be a mind-reader, even if they have known you for a long time. Besides, it makes the other feel uncertain and needlessly prolongs and increases the conflict.

Healthy communication does still entail making your needs and preferences explicit.

The lack of communication and excessive expectations can lead to unsatisfactory or even dangerous sex.

Talking about sex doesn’t have to be dramatic or threatening; it’s a means of showing appreciation and celebrating what we enjoy, as well as exploring ways to please each other even better.

If you believe that great relationships just happen naturally and nobody should ever have to work at them or talk things through, you tend to avoid problems rather than try and solve them.

Try to open up conversations you usually run away from. Seeing your relationship survive and improve as a result of it, will help reinforce the idea that good relationships can, and do, involve disagreement and talking about problems.

Also, be clear and effective when talking about an issue by using an XYZ statement: “When you do X in situation Y, I feel Z. ” This way you signal where you’re at emotionally and the specificity lets you work together to find practical adjustments to help resolve the issue.