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The Dark Side of the Soulmate Myth

Reading Each Other’s Minds

It isn’t reasonable to expect your partner to be a mind-reader, even if they have known you for a long time. Besides, it makes the other feel uncertain and needlessly prolongs and increases the conflict.

Healthy communication does still entail making your needs and preferences explicit.

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The Dark Side of the Soulmate Myth

The Dark Side of the Soulmate Myth

https://psiloveyou.xyz/the-dark-side-of-the-soulmate-myth-16e9185a74b1

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Key Ideas

Destiny Beliefs

They are inflexible perspectives that assume that when people who are “meant to be” start a relationship, they will live happily ever after without encountering doubts or difficulties.

They are associated with poor relationship quality and low levels of satisfaction. The unrealistic expectations make it so relationships are unfulfilling and dispute to be seen as a sign it is not true love.

Growth Beliefs

They assume that couples need to make an effort to overcome challenges in order to be successful and that happy relationships are the gradual result of teamwork.

Studies suggest that people who hold growth beliefs demonstrate a greater level of commitment to their relationship, and are more optimistic when it comes to repairing damage following an argument.

Reading Each Other’s Minds

It isn’t reasonable to expect your partner to be a mind-reader, even if they have known you for a long time. Besides, it makes the other feel uncertain and needlessly prolongs and increases the conflict.

Healthy communication does still entail making your needs and preferences explicit.

Talking About Sex

The lack of communication and excessive expectations can lead to unsatisfactory or even dangerous sex.

Talking about sex doesn’t have to be dramatic or threatening; it’s a means of showing appreciation and celebrating what we enjoy, as well as exploring ways to please each other even better.

Great Relationships

If you believe that great relationships just happen naturally and nobody should ever have to work at them or talk things through, you tend to avoid problems rather than try and solve them.

Dealing With Disagreements

Try to open up conversations you usually run away from. Seeing your relationship survive and improve as a result of it, will help reinforce the idea that good relationships can, and do, involve disagreement and talking about problems.

Also, be clear and effective when talking about an issue by using an XYZ statement: “When you do X in situation Y, I feel Z. ” This way you signal where you’re at emotionally and the specificity lets you work together to find practical adjustments to help resolve the issue. 

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Journaling as therapy

Labeling emotions and acknowledging traumatic events, both natural outcomes of journaling, have a known positive effect on people, and are often incorporated into traditional talk therapy.

Morning Pages

3 pages of longhand writing, strictly stream-of-conscious, done as soon as one wakes.

They are not meant to be art. Or even writing. They need not be smart, or funny, or particularly deep. It's a form of “brain drain”, a way to expel all that angry, petty stuff that spirals through our subconscious and muddies our days.

Benefits of Journaling
  • Boost in mindfulness
  • Better memory
  • Better communication skills
  • Improves mental health
  • Better sleep
  • A stronger immune system
  • More self-confidence
  • Higher I.Q.
What Vulnerability Really Is

Vulnerability is consciously choosing to freely express your thoughts, feelings, desires, and opinions regardless of what others might think of you.

Vulnerability is showing your rough edges ...

Accept who you are

When someone admits they are bad at something, they will probably be more respected.

Accept who you are, faults and all.

Taking responsibility

When you take responsibility for your problems, you're in control of the solution. When you blame others, you’re handing over control to someone else. And you cannot control them.

Taking up responsibility shows that you accept reality for what it is and set out to work with what you have. 

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"Rich Dad, Poor Dad" is Fiction

John T. Reed, a real estate investor, looked into the accuracy of Kiyosaki's best-selling book and found it inaccurate:

  • The Rich Dad is most likely an invention. ...
"Rich Dad, Poor Dad" contains dangerous advice

According to John T. Reed the famous book is filled with bad advice:

Dangerous advice

  • "If you're gonna go broke, go broke big"
  • Convinces people that college is for suckers

Law-breaking advice

  • Advocates committing a felony: have rich friends for trading stock based on non-public inside information, he says "That's what friends are for."
  • Recommends tax fraud by deducting vacations and health club dues
  • Brags about using a partner weasel clause in which his cat is his partner
Kiyosaki is making money from a personality cult

Many critics pointed out that Kiyosaki is selling a cult, not financial advice.

He is accused of tapping into the fantasies of the masses & being short on specifics, both attributes of religious cults.