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The Charisma Myth: Practical Advice on Becoming More Likable
Charisma is a skill
Charisma, defined as that irresistible magnetism some people possess, is often thought of as trait you’re born with (you either have it or you don’t).
But the truth is that charisma is a skill you can learn.
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Key Ideas
Charisma is a skill
Charisma, defined as that irresistible magnetism some people possess, is often thought of as trait you’re born with (you either have it or you don’t).
But the truth is that charisma is a skill you can learn.
Charismatic behaviors
There are 3 keys to being charismatic:
- you need to be present in the moment when engaging with others.
- you need to give off warmth by implying goodwill toward others.
- you need to appear powerful by coming across as someone capable of affecting the world around you.
Being memorable
... by making a graceful exit. Offer the other person something of value before you go:
- Information: an article, book, or web site you think might be of use to them.
- A connection: someone they ought to meet, whom you know and can introduce them to.
- Visibility: an organization you belong to, where you could invite them to speak.
- Recognition: an award you think they should be nominated for
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Learning To Be Charismatic
Charisma is about what you say and do as opposed to who you really are as a person. Your subconscious, social cues, physical expression, and the way you treat others all play a part in developin...
Presence As A Charisma Tool
Presence is necessary for charisma and it’s all about being truly engaged with others and showing them that they have your complete attention. Without presence, you can come across as just wanting to show off.
Shut down your ego, and pay attention to and focus on every word that others say.
Develop A Sense Of Confidence
People like confident individuals, even if their other qualities are less attractive. Developing confidence is a balancing act as you don't want to be arrogant, but you also don't want to come across as timid or scared.
Exercising regularly, dressing in clothes that make you feel good, and talking about the things you understand well can help you build and maintain confidence.
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Be a Professional Cheerleader
Charismatic people offer encouragement instead of skeptically listening to people’s goals and ideas. Find ways to encourage people while still holding them accountable:
Charismatic People Bring People Together
Charismatic people have lots of connections and share them regularly. Highly charismatic people are not only great at meeting new people, but also sharing their talent with their connections by introducing people who they know will get along well.
This quality is part of the reason charismatic people are such sought after connections; they spread their social wealth.
Likability is Key To Your Own Charisma
Likable leaders earn the trust of their team members and treat them well, and that makes the team’s performance better.
Teams with likable leaders tend to be more stable long-term because of lower turnover rates and are also better with changes since they are more likely to have employees committing to adopting to new ways.
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Common errors when reading people
- Ignoring context: Crossed arms don’t mean much if the room is cold or the chair they’re sitting in doesn’t have armrests.
- Not looking for clusters: It’s a consisten...
Trusting your instincts
Your first impressions are usually pretty accurate. But whether they are wrong or right, first impressions affect us in a big way and we are slow to change them.
You have to be willing to update them quite rapidly.
Reading first impressions
- Studies show that if someone seems extroverted, confident, religious or conscientious, they probably are.
- We all pay more attention to pretty people, and so we tend to take the time to evaluate them.
- If you want to know if someone is good at their job, watch them do it for 30-60 seconds.
- Funny people are smart: Effective humor production acts as an honest indicator of intelligence in humans.
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