<ul><li>Many self-help gurus teach you new forms of denial and pump you up with exercises that feel good in the short term, while ignoring the underlying issue. Remember, nobody who is actually happy has to stand in front of a mirror and tell himself that he’s happy.</li><li> Pain serves a purpose.</li><li>The path to happiness is a path full of shitheaps and shame.</li></ul>

Self Awareness Onion

<ul><li>Fault is past tense.</li><li>Responsibility is present tense.</li></ul>Maturity == to become more selective about the F*cks you are willing to give.

Fault Vs Responsibility 

<ul><li>But when we choose better values, we are able to divert our F*cks to something better—toward things that matter, things that improve the state of our well-being and that generate happiness, pleasure, and success as side effects.</li><li>When you give better F*cks, you get better problems, when you get better problems, you get a better life.</li></ul>

Good Values

Depth is where the gold is buried. And you have to stay committed to something and go deep to dig it up. That’s true in relationships, in a career, in building a great lifestyle— in everything.

Freedom Through Commitment

Do something now, even if it’s really small, and let good actions cascade as a result.

Do Something Principle

"Action isn’t just the effect of motivation; it’s the cause of it.”

<ol><li>Pleasure is a false god: People who focus their energy on superficial pleasures end up more anxious, more emotionally unstable, and more depressed.</li><li>Material Success: Many people measure their self-worth based on how much money they make or what kind of car they drive etc..</li><li>Always Being Right: People who base their self-worth on being right about everything prevent themselves from learning from their mistakes.</li><li>Staying Positive: Denying negative emotions leads to experiencing deeper and more prolonged negative emotions and to emotional dysfunction.</li></ol>

Shitty Values

<ul><li>The way to be happy and fulfilled, Manson says, is to not give a F*ck about everything we’re told to care about.</li><li>Instead, get clear on what truly matters, focus your choices on those few priorities, and accept that in spite of that, you’ll still make stupid mistakes and suffer occasionally.</li></ul>

Focus On What Matters

The only way to achieve meaning and a sense of importance in one’s life is through a rejection of alternatives, a narrowing of freedom, a choice of commitment to one place, one belief, or one person.

The Importance of Saying No

….…“The more something threatens your identity, the more you will avoid it.”<ul><li>The more options we’re given, the less satisfied we become with whatever we choose, because we’re aware of all the other options we’re potentially forfeiting.</li><li>Once we understand that root cause, we can ideally do something to change.</li></ul>

Law Of Avoidance

“Maturity is what happens when one learns to only give a F*ck about what’s truly F*ckworthy”

<ul><li>The key to a good life is not giving a F*ck about more; it’s giving a F*ck about less, giving a F*ck about only what is true and immediate and important.</li><li>The more you pursue feeling better all the time, the less satisfied you become.</li><li>Any attempt to escape the negative, to avoid it or quash it or silence it, only backfires.</li><li>Most of us struggle throughout our lives by giving too many F*cks in situations where F*cks do not deserve to be given.</li></ul>

Disappointment Panda

<ul><li>Confronting the reality of our own mortality is important because it obliterates all the crappy, fragile, superficial values in life.</li><li> Simple optioning for your own values in life, already makes you beautiful, already makes you successful, and already makes you loved. Even if you don’t realize it.</li></ul>

… And Then You Die

"If you want the rewards, but not the struggle, you don’t really want it."

<ol><li>Be comfortable with being different, not being indifferent.</li><li>Find something meaningful to give a F*ck about – otherwise you’ll waste energy on meaningless worries.</li><li>You always have a choice over what to give a F*ck about – as we get older, we realise what matters are the simple things.</li></ol>

What Not Giving a F*ck Means?

<ul><li>If someone is better than you at something, then it’s likely because she has failed at it more than you have.</li><li>If we’re unwilling to fail, then we’re unwilling to succeed.</li></ul>

Failing Is The Way Forward

“The acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.”<ul><li>Being open with your insecurities paradoxically makes you more confident and charismatic around others. The pain of honest confrontation is what generates the greatest trust and respect in your relationships. </li><li>Suffering through your fears and anxieties is what allows you to build courage and perseverance.</li></ul>

The Feedback Loop from Hell

<ul><li>Instead of striving for certainty, we should be in constant search of doubt: doubt about our own beliefs, doubt our own feelings, doubt about what the future may hold for us unless we get out there and create it for ourselves.</li><li>Openness to being wrong must exist for any real change or growth to take place.</li></ul>

You’re Wrong About Everything (But So Am I)

<ul><li>If you are able to not give a F*ck about the pain your goals require, you become unstoppable.</li><li>Finding something important and meaningful in your life is perhaps the most productive use of your time and energy.</li><li>You can’t merely be in love with the result. You have to love the process.</li><li>Rejection of alternatives liberates us.</li><li>Commitment to one thing offers more freedom than anything else.</li></ul>

Rejection Of Alternatives

Only give a f*ck about what’s truly f*ckworthy :)

#1 New York Times Bestseller Over 1 million copies sold In this generation-defining self-help guide, a superstar blogger cuts through the crap to show us how to stop trying to be "positive" all the time so that we can truly become better, happier people. For decades, we’ve been told that positive thinking is the key to a happy, rich life. "F**k positivity," Mark Manson says. "Let’s be honest, shit is f**ked and we have to live with it." In his wildly popular Internet blog, Manson doesn’t sugarcoat or equivocate. He tells it like it is—a dose of raw, refreshing, honest truth that is sorely lacking today. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is his antidote to the coddling, let’s-all-feel-good mindset that has infected American society and spoiled a generation, rewarding them with gold medals just for showing up. Manson makes the argument, backed both by academic research and well-timed poop jokes, that improving our lives hinges not on our ability to turn lemons into lemonade, but on learning to stomach lemons better. Human beings are flawed and limited—"not everybody can be extraordinary, there are winners and losers in society, and some of it is not fair or your fault." Manson advises us to get to know our limitations and accept them. Once we embrace our fears, faults, and uncertainties, once we stop running and avoiding and start confronting painful truths, we can begin to find the courage, perseverance, honesty, responsibility, curiosity, and forgiveness we seek. There are only so many things we can give a f**k about so we need to figure out which ones really matter, Manson makes clear. While money is nice, caring about what you do with your life is better, because true wealth is about experience. A much-needed grab-you-by-the-shoulders-and-look-you-in-the-eye moment of real-talk, filled with entertaining stories and profane, ruthless humor, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is a refreshing slap for a generation to help them lead contented, grounded lives.

productivity

Productivity

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

motivationandinspiration

Motivation & Inspiration

problemsolving

Problem Solving

books

Books

#1 New York Times BestsellerOver 10 million copies soldIn this generation-defining self-help guide, a superstar blogger cuts through the crap to show us how to stop trying to be "positive" all the time so that we can truly become better, happier people.For decades, we’ve been told that positive thinking is the key to a happy, rich life. "F**k positivity," Mark Manson says. "Let’s be honest, shit is f**ked and we have to live with it." In his wildly popular Internet blog, Manson doesn’t sugarcoat or equivocate. He tells it like it is—a dose of raw, refreshing, honest truth that is sorely lacking today. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is his antidote to the coddling, let’s-all-feel-good mindset that has infected American society and spoiled a generation, rewarding them with gold medals just for showing up.Manson makes the argument, backed both by academic research and well-timed poop jokes, that improving our lives hinges not on our ability to turn lemons into lemonade, but on learning to stomach lemons better. Human beings are flawed and limited—"not everybody can be extraordinary, there are winners and losers in society, and some of it is not fair or your fault." Manson advises us to get to know our limitations and accept them. Once we embrace our fears, faults, and uncertainties, once we stop running and avoiding and start confronting painful truths, we can begin to find the courage, perseverance, honesty, responsibility, curiosity, and forgiveness we seek.There are only so many things we can give a f**k about so we need to figure out which ones really matter, Manson makes clear. While money is nice, caring about what you do with your life is better, because true wealth is about experience. A much-needed grab-you-by-the-shoulders-and-look-you-in-the-eye moment of real-talk, filled with entertaining stories and profane, ruthless humor, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is a refreshing slap for a generation to help them lead contented, grounded lives.

Mark Manson (born 1984) is a professional blogger, entrepreneur, and former dating coach. Since 2007, he's been helping people with their emotional and relationship problems. He has worked with thousands of people from over 30 different countries. He regularly writes and updates his blog at: www.markmanson.net

MARK MANSON

Similar ideas

MARK MANSON

NEIL PASRICHA

Active inspiration