deepstash
Beta
10 Way to Build and Preserve Better Boundaries
Name your limits
You can’t set good boundaries if you’re unsure of where your limits are.
Identify what you can permit and accept and what makes you feel uncomfortable or stressed.
1589 SAVES
This is a professional note extracted from an online article.
Read more efficiently
Save what inspires you
Remember anything
IDEA EXTRACTED FROM:
10
Key Ideas
Name your limits
You can’t set good boundaries if you’re unsure of where your limits are.
Identify what you can permit and accept and what makes you feel uncomfortable or stressed.
Tune into your feelings
There are two key feelings that are red flags that you are letting go of your boundaries.
- Discomfort. Ask yourself what is causing the discomfort.
- Resentment. Resentment usually comes from being taken advantage of or not appreciated.
Be direct
With some people, maintaining healthy boundaries doesn’t require a direct and clear-cut dialogue.
There are other times you might need to be frank, such as with those who have a different personality or cultural background.
Give yourself permission
Boundaries aren’t just a sign of a healthy relationship; they’re a sign of self-respect. Give yourself permission to set boundaries.
Practice self-awareness
If you notice yourself slipping and not sustaining your boundaries, ask yourself what's changed. Find out what you do have control over and what you are going to do about it.
Consider your past and present
Consider how you were raised along with your role in your family. These can become additional obstacles in setting and preserving boundaries.
Is there a healthy give and take with the people you surround yourself with?
Make self-care a priority
Putting yourself first gives you the energy, peace of mind and positive outlook to be more present with others and be there for them.
Seek support
If you’re having a hard time with boundaries, seek some support: a support group, church, counseling, coaching or good friends.
Be assertive
It’s important to communicate with the other person when they’ve crossed a boundary.
Let the other person know what in particular is bothersome to you. Do it respectfully and work together to address it.
Start small
Communicating your boundaries takes practice.
Start with a small boundary that isn’t threatening to you, and then incrementally increase to more challenging boundaries.
SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:
1
Key Idea
Learning to set healthy personal boundaries
- Know that you have a right to personal boundaries.
- Recognize that other people's needs and feelings are not more important than your own.
- Learn to say no.
- I...
6
Key Ideas
NO boundaries = little self-esteem
The first step to change is admitting this.
Your boundaries are your values. Boundaries are representative of how much or little you respect yourself.
Choose your core values
You must make your boundaries about you.
Once you get clear about what matters most to you, then you can take the bigger step of communicating that to the others.
You can't change others
You are not responsible for what they say, their reactions or for the daily choices they make.
Since you can't change other people, change how you deal with them. They may be motivated to change if their old ways no longer work.
3 more ideas
6
Key Ideas
Defining Boundaries
The word “boundary” can leave the impression of separation.
But boundaries are actually connecting points since they provide healthy rules for navigating relationships, intimate or profess...
The benefits of boundaries
- Boundaries improve our relationships and self-esteem. They protect relationships from becoming unsafe.
- Boundaries can be flexible. It’s good to think about them occasionally and reassess them.
- Boundaries allow us to conserve our emotional energy. Without them, self-esteem and identity can be affected, and you can build resentment toward others.
- Boundaries give us space to grow and be vulnerable.
Determine your borders
Our boundaries are shaped by
- our heritage or culture
- the region we live in or come from
- whether we’re introverted, extroverted, or somewhere in between
- our life experiences
- our family dynamics
3 more ideas
14
Key Ideas
Accept Your Emotions
Allow yourself to feel your feelings, so you don’t spend more energy avoiding them than you would on feeling them. This way you can focus on the situation, fully experience the feelings and...
Take Daily Risks
Structure and routine are important, but in excess, they may stop you from growing. Taking certain risks can be healthy and rewarding.
Challenge yourself to take a risk each day, do something new or differently, anything that pushes you out of your comfort zone.
Live In The Present
Mental health tends to deteriorate when we obsess over past happenings instead of taking responsibility in what we’re doing or creating in the now.
Live in the present without hyper-focusing on the future or the past.
11 more ideas
10
Key Ideas
Verbal violations
- Not allowing you to speak or be heard.
- Yelling at you.
- Saying things that are derogatory about your integrity and character.
- Gossiping about you.
Psychological/emotional boundary violations
- Preying upon your sense of self and self-esteem
- Using what you’ve told them in confidence against you
- Lying to you
- Criticizing you
- Manipulating you
- Mocking you
- Making demands of your time
- Bullying you
- Lording a superior attitude over you
Physical violations
- Moving into your personal space
- Touching you without permission
- Being inappropriate or too familiar towards you
- Violating your privacy
- Damaging or destroying your personal property
- Threatening you with physical harm
7 more ideas
9
Key Ideas
Name your feelings
Emotions like overwhelm, anger, and frustration may indicate that others are intruding on your personal time or space.
Instead of pushing the feelings away, try understanding them. It ...
Prepare your well-being disclaimer
Start conversations about boundaries with a disclaimer to set the stage for a compassionate, permissive discussion.
Share your resolution to set boundaries. Explain why it’s important to you and how you believe it will benefit you.
When others set boundaries
People who have trouble setting boundaries usually have trouble responding to boundaries set by others.
Instead of feeling dismissed, angry, or rejected when friends or lovers put limits on your interactions, respond with “I value your honesty” or “I appreciate you sharing that with me”—even if the boundary was difficult to hear.
6 more ideas
5
Key Ideas
You Have A Boundary Issue If…
- you feel like people take advantage of you or use your emotions for their own gain.
- you feel like you’re constantly having to “save” people close to you and fix their problems all the ...
Personal Boundaries
Having healthy personal boundaries means taking responsibility for your own actions and emotions, while NOT blaming others.
People with high self-esteem have strong personal boundaries. And practicing strong personal boundaries is one way to build self-esteem.
Poor Boundaries
People who blame others for their own emotions and actions do so because they believe that if they constantly paint themselves as a victim, eventually someone will come to save them.
People who take the blame for other people’s emotions and actions are always looking to save someone.
Predictably, these two types of people are drawn strongly to one another, yet completely fail to meet each other's true need to feel loved. The real solution would be for both to take responsibility for their own problems.
2 more ideas
2
Key Ideas
Decreasing Awkwardness
- Find common interests and discuss them.
- Encourage others to talk about what interests them.
- Be gentle or help someone out, even if it is on a small thing.
Situations That Lead To Awkwardness
- Walking into a room where you don't know any of the other people.
- Being in a situation in which you don't know what you are supposed to do.
- You are all talking amongst yourself and an unknown person approaches the group.
- When a conversation does not go smoothly.
- Discomfort around food.
- Invading someone else's personal space—or having your own space invaded.
- Not remembering someone or their name or not being remembered.
- Been put in the spotlight or when others start talking about you while you are in the same room.
2
Key Ideas
Mind Mapping
Mind maps are the best way to visually and textually organize your ideas, projects, thoughts, and tasks in a way that gives you a structure and sensibly links related concepts.
- Mind m...
Pillars in the Career Master Plan
- Current job or role: This is what you are doing right now.
- Career Goals and Dreams: List your short-term (6-9 months) and longer-term (1-3 years) career goals and dreams.
- Your Big Why: Know why you want to do the work.
- Core Values: What are your top 3-5 core values that you are not willing to compromise?
- Limits and Boundaries: What is it that you are not willing to do? Whom do you not want to work with?
- Top Strengths: A strength is a combination of your talents and skills.
- Desired Strengths: These are the gaps you want to fill in your skills and talents.
- Education investment in Yourself: Are you going to conferences, joining a master-mind group, or hiring a coach?
- Execution Strategies: For instance, you may start a business, a side-hustle, a website.
- Role Models
- Ideal Client or Company: It is critical to know whom you want to serve with your work.
- Ideal Professional Self: A 25-word exercise where you describe your ideal professional self.
11
Key Ideas
Narrative Habits
The way we talk to ourselves about the events in our lives is subject to the same laws of learning and habit formation that physical behaviors are.
That means we can learn to talk to o...
Events + Thoughts = Emotions
Our emotions are always mediated by some form of thinking.
If our thoughts determine how we feel, that means how we habitually think will determine how we habitually feel.
Mind Reading
It happens when we assume we understand what other people are thinking without any real evidence.
It is a failure of imagination because we often only imagine and focus on the negative aspects.
8 more ideas