Prepare your well-being disclaimer

Start conversations about boundaries with a disclaimer to set the stage for a compassionate, permissive discussion.

Share your resolution to set boundaries. Explain why it’s important to you and how you believe it will benefit you.

@emil32

Love & Family

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Emotions like overwhelm, anger, and frustration may indicate that others are intruding on your personal time or space.

Instead of pushing the feelings away, try understanding them. It will allow you to set the right boundaries.

People who have trouble setting boundaries usually have trouble responding to boundaries set by others.

Instead of feeling dismissed, angry, or rejected when friends or lovers put limits on your interactions, respond with “I value your honesty” or “I appreciate you sharing that with me”—even if the boundary was difficult to hear.

It’s common to feel like you need to explain your boundaries to others. But you don’t.

Practice saying “No, thanks” and nothing more.

Without a clear sense of your own boundaries, you may regularly overshare personal information. It can make others feel uneasy and you uncomfortably overexposed.

Create a list of sensitive topics that you will only discuss with trusted people who make you feel safe and seen.

Healthy friendships are mutually nourishing, not one-sided and depleting.

If you have a one-sided friendship that leaves you feeling unseen, unheard, or disrespected, resolve to take a break from that relationship.

It’s totally normal to feel guilty, selfish, or embarrassed after setting a (completely valid) boundary.

Your boundary-setting muscle will take time to develop. Prepare a mantra to refer to after setting difficult boundaries with others. “I set boundaries to..."

Set yourself up for success by choosing a cherished friend, family member, or partner to be your boundary cheerleader.

When you set a new boundary, let your cheerleader know,  and carve out space for the two of you to celebrate your success.

Imagine the many ways you will benefit from setting boundaries.

How will you change? How will your daily life become richer? How might you feel more authentic in your relationships? Keep your vision at the forefront as you make the decisions.

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RELATED IDEAS

The Vicious Cycle

Victims and savers both get kind of an emotional high off one another.

  • For the victim, the hardest thing to do in the world is to hold themselves accountable for their feelings and their life.
  • For the saver, the hardest thing to do in the world is to stop fixing other people’s problems and trying to force them to be happy and satisfied.
Both need to start the process of building self-esteem. Both should eliminate needy behavior.

5

IDEAS

Communicating boundaries

The biggest part of setting boundaries is HOW clearly you communicate them. 

You can have the most healthy set of boundaries on the planet but if you do not communicate them clearly, you are going to create some really confusing relationships, both for you and everyone else involved.

Defining Boundaries

The word “boundary” can leave the impression of separation.

But boundaries are actually connecting points since they provide healthy rules for navigating relationships, intimate or professional.

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