When you talk with someone in person, notice the posture and body language of the other person. Focus on the tone in their voice. Consider the meaning of their words.
Recently my friend Nancy, who I haven't seen in years, sent me an email with some photos attached. "You'll love these," she wrote. The photos circulating through the Internet were of a polar bear and a dog playing together. I first saw them in a National Geographic magazine many years ago and was captivated by the story.
Each of us already has this natural communication system that feeds us information all the time. So when we close down and become defensive—for a few minutes, a few days, months or even a lifetime—we’re cutting ourselves off not only from others, but also from our natural ability to communicate.
Mindful communication trains us to become aware of when we’ve stopped using our innate communication wisdom.
When we react to fear by shutting down the channel of communication, we’ve put up a defensive barrier that divides us from the world.
Signs you’re in the red light zone:
Our values shift to me-first. We tell ourselves that relationships are not that important.
Closed communication patterns are controlling and mistrustful. We see others as frozen objects that have importance only if they meet our needs.
We feel alone and emotionally hungry. Then we look to other people to rescue us from our aloneness.
The sense of isolation that our defensive barrier triggers is subconsciously terrifying. If we are indeed isolated individuals, how do we get our supplies? How do we ward off enemies?
Suppressing these inner fears makes us even more rigid and out of touch. We tighten our muscles and thoughts; we harden our hearts.
Most of us value connection with others, especially in our romantic relationships. In fact, we are wired for connection and it allows us to create bonds and intimacy with our partner. The success of long-term relationships depends heavily on the quality of our emotional connection with each other.
Being dependent on another person can be unhealthy. Independence, taken to an extreme, can actually get in the way of us being able to connect emotionally with others in a meaningful way.&nbs...
A codependent person tends to rely heavily on others for their sense of self and well-being. There is an enmeshed sense of responsibility to another person to meet their needs and/or for their partner to meet all of their needs to feel okay about who they are.
Interdependence involves a balance of self and others within the relationship, recognizing that both partners are working to be present and meet each other's physical and emotional needs in appropriate and meaningful ways.
"When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive -- to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love." -- Marcus Aurelius, Meditations From the second we open our eyes in the morning, we have an opportunity to set the tone of our entire day mindfully, but most of us wake up and get out of bed in a hurry to do something or get somewhere.