Be interested

Each of us already has this natural communication system that feeds us information all the time. So when we close down and become defensive—for a few minutes, a few days, months or even a lifetime—we’re cutting ourselves off not only from others, but also from our natural ability to communicate. 

Mindful communication trains us to become aware of when we’ve stopped using our innate communication wisdom.

When we react to fear by shutting down the channel of communication, we’ve put up a defensive barrier that divides us from the world.

Signs you’re in the red light zone:

• Our values shift to me-first.  We tell ourselves that relationships are not that important. 
• Closed communication patterns are controlling and mistrustful. We see others as frozen objects that have importance only if they meet our needs.
• We feel alone and emotionally hungry. Then we look to other people to rescue us from our aloneness. 
• The sense of isolation that our defensive barrier triggers is subconsciously terrifying. If we are indeed isolated individuals, how do we get our supplies? How do we ward off enemies?
• Suppressing these inner fears makes us even more rigid and out of touch. We tighten our muscles and thoughts; we harden our hearts.

A codependent person tends to rely heavily on others for their sense of self and well-being. There is an enmeshed sense of responsibility to another person to meet their needs and/or for their partner to meet all of their needs to feel okay about who they are.

As you unpack your stuff, use this golden chance to keep only the essential stuff and completely declutter your new home. Don’t hold stuff that keeps you tied to the past.

Do not be overwhelmed with the piled up work. Practice deep breathing, reflecting on the present moment and gratitude.