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Cultivating self-awareness and self-reflection
Prioritizing and setting boundaries for self-care
Practicing mindfulness and presence
Don't lend money you don't have
If you can't afford to help, say no. Your job is to make sure you're on track to achieve your own financial goals.
No one will care more about your money than you.
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Do offer to help in other ways
Focus on your loved one's underlying financial issue and see if you can help address it. Help them find the resources they need or create a budget.
Addressing the underlying issue doesn't just benefit your cash-strapped family member. It also helps you, by ensuring they do...
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Rules to follow when lending/borrowing money to family members
- The first rule to follow when lending money to a family member: Assume they will never pay you back—and be OK with that.
- And here's the first rule to follow when borrowing money from family: Pay them back.
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Withhold judgment
Lending money to a relative does not give you a free pass to criticize their spending going forward.
Let them be free to do whatever they want with the money, and don't judge them for it. You need to see that person on their own journey and bring compassion, love, and acc...
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Discuss it with your partner
Before you get back to the borrower with an answer, you need to consult your partner or spouse if you have one, especially if the amount is substantial given your financial picture.
As with all difficult subjects, open communication is key, particularly if your partner isn't as willing...
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Trust your gut if it’s telling you to say no
- Lending money is nearly always a bad idea. Anytime you can say no, do so. Even if the person pays you back, you've opened a door that will never close again. You become the bank—it changes how your relative looks at you and how you look at them.
- The experts agree tha...
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If you’re hoping to borrow, come armed with a payback plan
Just because potential lenders should think of the loan as a gift doesn't mean borrowers should treat it as such. When you ask someone you love and trust to give you their money, it's a sign of respect to present a thought-out repayment schedule.
Have a real conversation ...
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Feel good about giving this gift
Yes, "gift." There's no other way to look at it, agree McCoy, Castro, and Hendershott: When you lend money to someone—even your closest, most trustworthy sibling—you must assume they will never pay you back and make your peace with that. "It would be nice to think they can and will repay you, and...
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Stick to the payback plan—or revise it if needed
When you ask a family member for a loan, treat it as a loan. Adhere to the payback schedule. And if you can't, start looking at plan C (because borrowing from a family member was already plan B).
Renegotiate the terms with your relative so you can keep your promise to ...
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Take time to think about it
You are under no obligation to say yes on the spot when a family member asks for money—no matter how dire their situation is.
- Say, 'I would love to be able to help you. Let me think about whether this is best for me.'
- Pause and reflect before answeri...
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