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How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

Memorize names

  • If you don’t hear the name distinctly, ask the person to repeat it
  • For unusual names, ask for the spelling
  • Repeat the name several times during the conversation
  • Associate the name with the person’s features, expression, and general appearance
  • Write it down later so you can visualize the name as well

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How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

https://www.dansilvestre.com/how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people/

dansilvestre.com

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Key Ideas

Dale Carnegie

Dale Carnegie

“When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.”

Handling People

  • Don’t criticize, condemn or complain. People learn faster and retain knowledge more effectively when rewarded for good behavior than punished for bad behavior.
  • Give honest and sincere appreciation. The only way to get a person to do anything is by giving them what they want.
  • Arouse in the other person an eager want. The only way to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.

Appreciation and flattery

  • Flattery is selfish and insincere. It’s cheap praise. You tell the other person precisely what he thinks about himself.
  • Appreciation is unselfish and sincere. It happens when we stop thinking about ourselves and begin to think of the other person’s good points.

Henry Ford

Henry Ford

“If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.”

Make People Like You

  • Become interested in other people. We are interested in others when they are interested in us.
  • Smile. A smile says, "I like you."
  • Always remember people's names.
  • Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
  • Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
  • Make the other person feel important, in an honest way.

Memorize names

  • If you don’t hear the name distinctly, ask the person to repeat it
  • For unusual names, ask for the spelling
  • Repeat the name several times during the conversation
  • Associate the name with the person’s features, expression, and general appearance
  • Write it down later so you can visualize the name as well

Win People to Your Way of Thinking

  • Avoid arguments.
  • Show respect for the other person’s opinions. 
  • If you are wrong, admit it quickly.
  • To win someone to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend.
  • Let the other people talk themselves out and try to see things from the other person’s point of view.
  • Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers. 
  • Dramatize your ideas. The truth has to be made vivid, interesting, dramatic.

SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

Techniques in Handling People
  • Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
  • Give honest and sincere appreciation.
  • Arouse in the other person an eager want.
  • 6 ways to make people like you
    1. Become sincerely interested in other people.
    2. Smile.
    3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
    4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
    5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
    6. Make the other person feel important.
    Win people to your way of thinking
    • The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
    • Never say, “You’re wrong.” Respect the other person’s opinions.
    • If you are wrong, admit it.
    • Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
    • Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
    • Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
    • Try to see things from the other person’s point of view.
    • Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
    • Appeal to the nobler motives.
    • Dramatize your ideas.
    • Throw down a challenge.

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    Dale Carnegie’s advice to make people like you
    1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
    2. Smile.
    3. Remember names. 
    4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
    5. Talk in terms of the ot...
    Actively showing interest in other people

    When people speak, the best responses are both active and constructiveengaged, enthusiastic, curious and has supportive nonverbal action. Ask questions. Be excited. Ask for details. Smile. Touch. Laugh.

    It's a powerful technique - it makes you more liked and people more receptive to your requests.

    Smiling does make you more attractive
    And by smiling we influence others to smile. People judge things more positively while smiling, so our own smile can set off a chain reaction causing more positive encounters.

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    Ontology
    Ontology

    This is a branch of philosophy that deals with the questions of being and identity.

    Ontological psychologists and social scientists start with examining our self in social...

    Self-help vs Social science

    Self-help literature, like information, exists as raw, uncurated, unexamined information, while social science is like knowledge, beginning with the aggregated data and the processes of thinking, developed and updated over time.

    Myopic points of view

    Many best seller self-help books like the much-celebrated How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie, written way back in 1936 provide a personal view of influencing and persuading others, which has later been proved to be ineffective.
    This is because many of these books are detached from various social and economical facts, offering a myopic view of the world.

    one more idea

    Listening requires mental work
    We mistake listening as easy because it looks passive and instinctive, but in reality it’s hard work. Really listening (and not just appearing to listen) re...
    Mistakes we make in conversations
    Our general tendency is to:
    • Evaluate: We judge what someone is saying and agree or disagree.
    • Probe: We ask questions from our own frame of reference.
    • Advise: We give counsel, advice, and solutions to problems.
    • Interpret: We analyze others' motives and behaviors based on our own experiences.
    What makes a great listener
    • Asking great questions;
    • Playing attention to the nonverbal communication;
    • Forgoing taking detailed notes to pay better attention;
    • Listening with the intent to understand, not the intent to respond;
    • Making people feel heard;
    • Following up on what matters.
    Forgetting Someone's Name
    Forgetting Someone's Name
    • If you haven’t already, ask for their business card.
    • Ask for their name and pretend you just didn't know their last name.
    • Introduce the person to a friend and hope they introdu...
    Making Small Talk and Dealing with Awkward Silences
    • Have some good go-to stories.
    • Use the FORD technique (asking questions about Family," "Occupation," "Recreation" and "Dreams) to turn small talk into an actual conversation
    • Just enjoy the silence.
    Going on a First Date
    • Pick a great first-date activity.
    • Keep your expectations in check.
    • Learn the science behind the perfect first date.
    • Try not to sweat it even if things do get uncomfortable. 

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    Dale Carnegie

    He is one of the most influential authors in the self-improvement industry, and the creator of the book  "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living", which deals with tactics for ...

    "What's the worst that can happen?"

    When worries overwhelm you:

    1. Ask yourself what's the worst that could possibly happen. 
    2. Prepare to accept the worst.
    3. Figure out how to improve upon the worst, should it come to pass.
    Gathering facts objectively
    • You can pretend that you're gathering this data for someone else, so you're distancing yourself emotionally  from the process.
    • You can pretend that you're a lawyer who is preparing to argue the other side of the issue — so you gather all the facts against yourself. Write down the facts on both sides of the case and you'll generally get a clearer picture of the truth.

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    Narcissistic characteristics
    • having an inflated sense of self
    • needing constant praise
    • taking advantage of others
    • not recognizing or caring about the needs of others

    People with narcissi...

    See them for who they really are

    Those with narcissistic personalities are pretty good at turning on the charm. Watch how they treat people when they’re not “on stage.” If you catch them lying, manipulating, or blatantly disrespecting others, there’s no reason to believe they won’t do the same to you.

    The first step in dealing with a narcissistic personality is simply accepting that this is who they are.

    Stop focusing on them

    Whether it’s negative or positive attention, those with narcissistic personalities work hard to keep themselves in the spotlight.

    You might soon find yourself buying into this tactic, pushing aside your own needs to keep them satisfied.

    If you must deal with a narcissistic personality, don’t allow them to infiltrate your sense of self or define your world.

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    Connect with people emotionally

    If you want to intrigue and influence people, you have to get their dopamine pumping.

    A great way to do that is by having excellent conversation starters handy:What was the...

    Be emotionally curious

    Become genuinely interested in other people. A great way to do this is to ask them open-ended questions.

    Everyone wants to be liked, loved and accepted. When you fulfill that need for others, you are perceived as being influential.

    Use high-powered body language

    When you manifest powerful body language, you are seen as more influential. 

    The head is held high, the arms are loose, the shoulders are set back and the chest is out. Confident body language not only affects the way others see you but also the way you see yourself. 

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    Be Proactive

    Reactive people believe the world is happening to them. They focus on things that are in their circle of concern, but not in their circle of influence.

    Proactive people recognize th...

    Begin with the End in Mind

    Start with a clear destination to determine your steps. Identify your values and live by them.

    • Visualize in detail your own funeral. What are they saying about how you lived your life, and your relationships? What do you want them to say? Change your priorities accordingly.
    • Break down different roles in your life - whether professional, personal or in a community. List 3-5 goals you want to achieve for each. 
    • Define what scares you and write down exactly how you'll handle it.
    Go after your goals

    Prioritize your day-to-day actions based on what is most important, not what is most urgent.

    Be disciplined to follow these actions regardless of how you feel at any given moment. Maintain a primary focus on relationships and results, and a secondary focus on time.

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