Our attachment styles are influenced by how we related to our parents as infants and set the pattern for how we perceive relationships as we mature.
As we get older, we continue to build on this pattern when we form relationships with our peers and other people.
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Attachment theory is an area of psychology that describes the nature of emotional attachment between people, starting with your parents. The quality of how well you were cared for will then influence the nature of your relationships later in life.
There are four attachment strategies: secure, anxious, avoidant, and anxious-avoidant.
50% of the population is secure attachment types.
Different attachment types tend to configure themselves into relationships in predictable ways.
Your attachment style can change over time to a more secure style or an insecure style if they're not careful.
An extreme negative event, such as divorce, death of a dear one, a serious accident, etc. can cause a secure attachment type to move into a more insecure attachment type.
Anxious types can work on developing themselves, creating healthy boundaries and fostering a healthy self-image.
Avoidant types can work on opening themselves up to others and share more about themselves.
An avoidant attachment style often stems from a parent who was unavailable or rejecting during your infancy. Since your needs were never regularly or predictably met by your caregiver, you were forced to self-soothe.
As someone with an avoidant-dismissive attachment style:
You find fault with every little thing they do, from the way they cook to the clothes they wear. You are impossible to please, and your partner eventually gives up trying and breaks up with you.
The rejected lover experiences high levels of dopamine and norepinephrine in the brain, and are visibly stressed out. These chemical reactions trigger many to do crazy things to win their ex back. Such feelings are erased quickly if the lover starts dating a new partner.
Some people also feel increasingly passionate and loving after the breakup and are more likely to forgive their ex.