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How to Make Peace with Your Family
From Pain to Love
There are a few ways in which can move on from pain and stress, towards acceptance and love:
- Remember there is no Perfect Family
- Reparent yourself
- Nurture your inner child.
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Dreaded Family Time
During the holiday season, many people are uncomfortable to spend time with their families due to a history of personal fights or disagreements.
15 % of Americans say that having a family dinner stresses them out because of the resulting arguments.
Family Stress
The deep wounds and scars that run in the family make people prone to various health conditions due to stress.
Chronic conditions like headaches and strokes are diagnosed due to a family's emotional climate.
"The Perfect Family"
TV advertisements bombard us with happy families, with pop culture showing family dinner time as a fun and relaxed time.
In reality, this isn't always the case with everyone.
Childhood has for most people been traumatic or disappointing. A tough upbringing is not something to resent, but something that has made you stronger.
Acceptance
Our parents and families most likely won’t change, but we can change our feelings towards them.
We need to accept our family circumstances as they are. Our healing starts when we accept.
Reparenting Yourself
“Reparenting” is a process that brings in self-understanding, maturing and healing.
We have to acknowledge that our childhood traumas and unfulfilled needs were not our parents' fault as they did their best, and in most cases didn't neglect anything.
Reparenting is a way to get out the chains of the past, and understanding that our parents love us and never intentionally wanted to hurt us.
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Understand your attachment style
We come out of our family of origin with a blueprint of how we attach to others. The closer someone is to another person, the greater the likelihood that their attachment style can becom...
Identify your triggers
Journal about the experiences in your relationship that trigger behaviors you experience as self-sabotaging. Ask yourself: What was happening? What did you feel at the time? What were you afraid of? How likely is it that the outcome you feared would happen?
Having an awareness of what triggers these behaviors can prepare us for the inevitable conflicts that arise.
Be mindful of your behavior
Insecurity in relationships is inevitable because everybody has issues to work on.
It’s critical to know what yours are. With this insight, a person can then stop negative behaviors, learn to tolerate the discomfort, and engage in alternative and more healthy behavior.
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Codependency
The traditional definition of codependency focuses on control, nurturing, and maintenance of relationships with individuals who are chemically dependent or engaging in undesirable behaviors, such a...
Signs of Codependency
Ask yourself these questions:
- Does your sense of purpose involve making extreme sacrifices to satisfy your partner's needs?
- Is it difficult to say no when your partner makes demands on your time and energy?
- Do you cover your partner’s problems with drugs, alcohol, or the law?
- Do you constantly worry about others’ opinions of you?
- Do you feel trapped in your relationship?
- Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments?
The Development of Codependency
When a child grows up in a dysfunctional home with unavailable parents, the child takes on the role of caretaker, learn to put the parents need first, and repress and disregard their own needs.
As the child becomes an adult, he or she repeats the same dynamic in their adult relationships.
Resentment builds when you don’t recognize your own needs and wants. A common behavioral tendency is to overreact or lash out when your partner lets you down.
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