Once upon a time in Springfield, the Simpson family visited a new supermarket. Monstromart's slogan was "where shopping is a baffling ordeal". Product choice was unlimited, shelving reached the ceiling, nutmeg came in 12lb boxes and the express checkout had a sign reading, "1,000 items or less".
The ideology of choice makes us forget that not all things should be bought and sold. Moreover, more choice does not increase our happiness, security, and contentment. It does leave us overwhelmed and anxious so that we often turn to denial and willful blindness.
At least we are thinking about choice and do not merely follow the whims of the market.
You were out looking for a little happiness when you stumbled upon Dr. Jekyll as he was appearing wonderful and considerate. Strangely, before you knew it, evil Mr. Hyde was instead dismantling anything that resembled happiness and leaving in it's wake, destruction and despair. Despair is a long way from the happiness you were initially seeking.
Happiness lies on transitory things, so simplify your life and possessions to get a clearer path to a better internal life. When stuff, people, and the problems they bring fall away, the resulting stillness allows you to find the self-sufficient joy that resides inside.
Joy comes when you make peace with who you are, where you are and why you are. When you need nothing but your truth to bring peace, then you have settled into unshakable abiding joy.
Stop beating yourself up, and turn your emotions into action. Have you ever felt like life would be better if you had taken a different path? If only you had pursued that job, ended that relationship sooner or moved to a new city, everything would be just perfect. Nonsense, of course.