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Self-partnered: the sudden, surprising rise of the single positivity movement

Do Stuff, Alone

The stigma of being spotted doing something alone by others is now diminishing. 

People are traveling, eating, catching a movie, visiting the local pub, all alone and positively enjoying it.

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Self-partnered: the sudden, surprising rise of the single positivity movement

Self-partnered: the sudden, surprising rise of the single positivity movement

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/nov/06/consciously-uncoupled-the-joy-of-self-partnership

theguardian.com

6

Key Ideas

'Single' Positivity

A new breed of 'single-positive' personalities reject the notion that you need a partner to be happy and have a fulfilling life.

These 'self-partnering' individuals are seeing that being single is not being lonely or depressed, but is leading them to experience life as a positive and exciting ride.

You Are Enough

Many single women are starting to realize that they are not losing much by being single, but are gaining a lot of freedom and time to do self-care and pursue things that matter to them.

Do Stuff, Alone

The stigma of being spotted doing something alone by others is now diminishing. 

People are traveling, eating, catching a movie, visiting the local pub, all alone and positively enjoying it.

Happy Alone

  • Due to society's pressure, people get into relationships that are increasingly turning toxic after a while.
  • Many women and even men are discovering that the relationships have made them stressed out.
  • Being single provides them with the independence, freedom and flexibility that they cannot imagine while being in a relationship.

'Marrying' Yourself

Many books and movies reflect this 'singledom' lifestyle choice, and it is more than just traveling or dating alone.

Society has always favored a family, as opposed to an individual, so being single, and in a 'sologamy' mode is filled with challenges.

Do What You Want

It is a misguided and increasingly obsolete assumption that being in a relationship should be the norm.

Being in a relationship should be an option, not a necessity.

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Turn regret into motivation

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The disease of "What if"

It’s human nature to linger on feelings of regret. We look back and think that missed opportunities(real or not) could have set us on a different, possibly more rewarding path. Unchecked, these emotions become overwhelming sources of stress and anxiety.

Turn regret into motivation

  • Acknowledge how you cope with regret: ignoring it makes it more present
  • Stop the regrets spiral, until you are ready to face the situation with more clarity
  • Revisit the story and identify practical lessons you can learn from it
  • Treat yourself like your ideal mentor would
  • Ask yourself why you feel regret and work backward to identify the values that are tied up in your feelings
  • The cure for anticipating regret isn’t feeling lousy or overthinking, but pursuing solutions, using the wisdom gained through self-reflection.

Happiness vs Joy

Happiness is dependent on outside circumstances to align with your expectations so that the end result is your happiness. It’s based on internal and external circumstances, thus unstable, wi...

Finding Joy

Happiness lies on transitory things, so simplify your life and possessions to get a clearer path to a better internal life. When stuff, people, and the problems they bring fall away, the resulting stillness allows you to find the self-sufficient joy that resides inside.

Joy comes when you make peace with who you are, where you are and why you are. When you need nothing but your truth to bring peace, then you have settled into unshakable abiding joy.

Causing unintentional harm

We all cause harm to our partner and the intimacy between us. We make mistakes that are foolish and unintentional and sometimes launch attacks on purpose.

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A good apology takes two people: the giver and the receiver. An apology that heals is based on kindness, generosity, and compassion. 

The recipient accepts it with grace and, in turn, offers forgiveness. Without forgiveness, it cannot heal.

The mindful apology in practice

  • Repair: An apology that rebuilds intimacy should have three parts: you need to own the mistake, and then you need to repair the damage. Lastly, you need to vow to improve.
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