Approach Your Colleague

You should also discuss how you’ll handle similar situations in the future. Ideally, you and your colleague will agree that she should come directly to you next time. But if she’s not immediately on board with that plan, try to show her that going over your head is not only hurtful; it’s also ine...

Begin by saying what you know in a “straightforward” way, says Galinsky. Explain why you’re disappointed, but stay away from words like “angry” or “betrayed,” Webb adds. That may be how you feel, but it’s going to put your coworker on the defensive. You might say something like: “I heard you talk...

• Keep an open mind and be willing to hear your coworker’s side of the story.
• Avoid words like “angry” or “betrayed.” Even if authentic, they will put your coworker on the defensive.
• Talk to your boss to be sure your reputation isn’t damaged.

Once you’ve shared your views with one another, decide together how to remedy the situation. “Try asking them for their thoughts first, then build on their suggestions. Research shows that people feel far more attachment to any idea that they’ve had a hand in shaping,” explains Webb.

Webb suggests you start by considering what you actually know. You may think your coworker went over your head to spite you, but perhaps you’re misreading the situation. Look at only the facts and avoid snap judgments. For example, rather than thinking, “He completely disregarded my authority,” t...

• Make assumptions about why your colleague went over your head.
• Rely on rumors and hearsay. Instead, find out the true facts of the situation.
• Leave next time up to chance — ask your boss to redirect your coworker to you.

There are both practical and psychological reasons why a colleague might try to go above you, says Adam Galinsky, a professor at Columbia Business School and coauthor of "Friend and Foe: When to Cooperate, When to Compete, and How to Succeed at Both". Practically speaking, they may want a differe...

If you don’t know all the facts of the situation – perhaps you just heard about the conversation through the office rumor mill – try to find out what really happened, says Webb. You might go to your boss and ask in a neutral way about what transpired: “Hey, I heard you and Carlos were talking abo...