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If you see a friend hitting a personal milestone, it’s easy to feel you’re far behind in life. But if you think of 10 or 20 of your acquaintances, chances are a bunch will be in the same boat as you – and might even be happily sailing along.
In an experiment, researchers asked people to assess their running abilities. They found that participants spontaneously compared themselves with the best runner they could think of and deemed themselves not so great. The researchers then prompted the participants to list the top 10 runners they knew personally. By reflecting on the seventh- or ninth-best runner they had rubbed shoulders with, people suddenly felt a lot better. Comparing themselves with a broader group diminished the enormous gulf between themselves and what they thought of as “good.”
Psychologists also find that broadening your perspective can be helpful when you experience what they call deprivation intolerance: when you don’t get what you want and that causes you to plunge into a pit of despair.
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MORE IDEAS ON THIS
Yes, comparing yourself with others is unavoidable, but by applying some of this advice, you can learn to use it to your advantage. Remember that you only see the tip of the iceberg, especially on social media – someone whose life seems perfect on Instagram may be dealing with struggles that you’...
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Here’s how to take your envy, decode it and turn it into positive action:
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Comparison can teach you what you value when you see yourself envying someone doing something you want, even if you haven’t consciously allowed yourself to want it.
Self-awareness can help you turn your feelings into something useful, so the...
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Thinking through a day-in-the-life can help you make better comparisons, for example by asking yourself:
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You may not always be exactly where you want to be, but chances are you’re not where you used to be, either. Pausing to take stock of your accomplishments – and the skills you’ve developed as a result – can help you feel proud of your progress and untangle yourself from malicious envy.
A s...
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To shift your thinking from malicious to benign envy, try these phrases:
• “I’m inspired by _____. Maybe I can learn from them, or ask them to be my mentor.”
• “I haven’t done what they’ve done . . . yet.”
• “Every person is on their own journey. I’m grateful for mine.”
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Left unchecked, comparison can make you miserable. Seeing people be better at something than you are can feel like a vicious uprooting. But with the right tools, you can use your envy to uncover what you value.
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Other curated ideas on this topic:
Although we see how it says something what we do on a daily basis, they have to be planted first in our head.
The best way is that you fake it till you make it. So, you're telling yourself you're a runner even though you're just beginning. Because this makes you assume also...
It means writing down 5-10 things you're grateful for, for 1-3 days a week. It could be a little thing like a cup of coffee, or a person in your life or an act of kindness.
In many studies, the participants reported more happiness and a higher general life satisfaction after doing this pra...
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