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Does fear derail your communication?

Fear and resentment

When having important discussions with our partners, we face the fear that they are not really hearing us.
This could lead us to develop a form of resentment because we may not feel validated by them. We might also misinterpret their body language and words and feel hurt and disrespected by them.

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Does fear derail your communication?

Does fear derail your communication?

https://www.tonyrobbins.com/love-relationships/does-fear-derail-your-communication/

tonyrobbins.com

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Key Ideas

Poor communication

The lack of communication is one of the main reasons for break-ups, divorces and for seeking couple therapy, according to studies.
Poor communication is also related to conflict-based conversations.

Fear and resentment

When having important discussions with our partners, we face the fear that they are not really hearing us.
This could lead us to develop a form of resentment because we may not feel validated by them. We might also misinterpret their body language and words and feel hurt and disrespected by them.

The antidote to fear

Fear is the enemy of healthy communication. The antidote would thus be developing safety.
When we feel safe, we can talk about anything in healthy ways. You should also make sure you help your partner feel safe when talking to you.

Key principles for safety

To foster safety in your relationships, keep in mind these principles:

  • Accountability
  • Perspective
  • Patience
  • Integrity
  • Kindness
  • Humility
  • Acknowledgment
  • Respect

SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

You don’t paraphrase or restate

Practice paraphrasing instead of responding with nods, a-ha's, and yeah's. 

This type of communicating makes your partner feel like they are getting real attention and empathy.

Focusing on the person instead of the issue

Try to talk about the issue at hand and how it makes you feel.

For example:
“It makes me feel frustrated that you forgot what I wanted. Is there a way I can help you to remember next time?”

Not showing your appreciation

It is important to remind your partner you appreciate them. 

This generates a warm and loving atmosphere as a backdrop to your relationship.

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Why setting expectations is critical

One of the top reasons for unhappiness in the workplace is communication issues with one’s manager/supervisor.

Managers tend to make incorrect assumptions that employees have al...

Work

It’s crucial for your team to know exactly what is expected of them.

The unwritten rules about the level of quality expected in the work, and the depth of knowledge that needs to be displayed, are what defines a successful work project.

What are the boundaries of an employee’s responsibilities? What are and what aren’t the roles of the job?

Communication
Communication is one of the most critical components of organizational life, and it is far too important to leave to chance.

What’s the preferred way of communicating, both formally and informally? What should be the frequency of communication? What are the protocols for communication at different levels – while reporting to the manager or even upper management?

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Communication needs improvement if:
  • You are having trouble getting through to your spouse; you talk about the same issue over and over again without coming to an agreement.
  • You seem unable to have a decent conversation...
Just Communicate

It is difficult to discuss some sensitive subjects, and we are tempted to avoid them. Other times we simply expect our partners to know what we are doing, thinking or what we want.

It is much better to get things out in the open regularly rather than waiting to have big rows that might damage your relationship.

Listen actively

Be curious about your partner’s point of view rather than trying to anticipate every situation. Active listening involves:

  • Paying attention to your partner.
  • Tolerating your silence.
  • Paying attention to your partner’s nonverbal communication.
  • Reflecting and paraphrasing what your partner is saying: I hear you say you feel angry when I ….. Is that what you are saying?

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"Needing" therapy

By framing therapy in terms of what we need rather than what we could benefit from, many people experience too much shame or embarrassment to try it.

Not everybody needs therapy. But ...

How therapy helps
  • Understanding how the way we tend to think about things affects our moods and emotions
  • Clarifying our values and strategizing about the most effective path toward them
  • Learning to communicate directly and assertively in relationships or the workplace
  • Building self-confidence in social situations
  • Acquiring more effective parenting skills and techniques
  • Working through complicated grief or loss
Therapy and growth

Ultimately, therapy is about growth and creating opportunities for positive change.

And in addition to improving traditional mental health struggles, therapy can also be a powerful and efficient way to make progress on personal goals or aspirations.

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When you're in love

When humans fall in love, their bodies are actively producing feel-good hormones and preventing the release of negative hormones.

When this process suddenly stops, the "w...

Going through a breakup

Heartbreak is a form of grief and loss that can cause serious issues with insomnia, anxiety and depression.

The pain we feel during heartbreak is similar to the physical pain we feel due to a severe burn on a broken arm.

Healing from a breakup

  • Visual reminders are likely to create dopamine surges in your brain that relate to feelings of craving and withdrawal.
  • Replace those surges of dopamine by taking a fitness class. Exercise can also release endorphins that trigger positive feelings.
  • Find a "new normal".
  • Accept the reason for the breakup.

Self-understanding

To make a marriage work, you have to be the right person.

Rather than looking for the right partner, become aware of your blind spots, growing edges and vulnerabilities. Take r...

You can’t avoid marital conflict

Blaming, oversimplifying, and seeing oneself as a victim are all common traits of unhappy couples and failed marriages.

Conflicts should be approached by looking together at the problem.

A good marriage takes skill

Most of us don’t have adequate communication skills going into marriage. It is important to build this skill.

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A toxic relationship

Is any relationship between people who don’t support each other, where there’s conflict and one seeks to undermine the other, where there is competition and there is disrespect.

...
What makes a relationship toxic

People who consistently undermine or cause harm to a partner (whether intentionally or not) often have a reason for their behavior, even if it’s subconscious. 

Maybe they were in a toxic relationship, either romantically or as a child. Maybe they didn’t have the most supportive, loving upbringing. They could have been bullied in school. They could be suffering from an undiagnosed mental health disorder.

Warning signs

The most serious warning signs include any form of violence, abuse or harassment, which should be dealt with immediately. But in many cases, the indicators of a toxic relationship are much more subtle: Persistent unhappiness, negative shifts in your mental health, personality or self-esteem, feeling like you can’t talk with or voice concerns to your significant other.

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Nonviolent communication

It lets us reframe how we express ourselves and hear others. 

It allows us to speak in terms of what we observe, how we’re feeling, what our needs are, and how we respond to other...

The objective of nonviolent communication

Is to empower functional giving and receiving. 

If implemented correctly, it can replace knee-jerk reactions and old, ineffective patterns. It can be built like any habit.

Observation
  • Take a mental step back and just watch what's happening in the current situation.
  • Record these observations in your mind without assigning value to them
  • Hold back from judgment or evaluation
  • Say what you see, but not what you think of it. Examples: “What I’m hearing you ask me is…” or “I see that you want this…”

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Research On Our Partner Preferences
Research On Our Partner Preferences

Our own partner preferences may not be fully understood by us.

  • An organic study on peoples dating and partner choice indicated that one’s preferences, ideals and priorities t...
Real Life Vs Dream Life

People may not be communicating well about what they want in their partners or may have a lack of awareness, or even a myopic view of their life. Experiencing it for themselves is a better bet to find out what works.

The dreamy idols that make up our early stages of attractions, especially at a young age, do not translate into someone one can spend the entire life with, where mundane activities like picking up groceries and taking care of the kids take precedence over being handsome or inspiring.

The Negativity Bias
The Negativity Bias
... or the Negativity Effect is a tendency most of us have to respond more strongly to negative events and emotions than to positive ones.
Any further action that is ...
Magnified Faults

The Negativity Effect magnifies and distorts your partner's faults, whether real or imaginary.

The partner starts to wonder why isn't there any appreciation for all the good that is being done, and why the focus is only on the one bad thing.

Going Downhill

Relationships, especially long-term ones, don't get better with time but are kept intact by avoiding decline.

Married couples find contentment in other sources and remain satisfied with each other, and if not so, then the marriage breaks down.

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