Fear and resentment
When having important discussions with our partners, we face the fear that they are not really hearing us.
This could lead us to develop a form of resentment because we may not feel validated by them. We might also misinterpret their body language and words and feel hurt and disrespected by them.
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Fear is the enemy of healthy communication. The antidote would thus be developing safety.
When we feel safe, we can talk about anything in healthy ways. You should also make sure you help your partner feel safe when talking to you.
To foster safety in your relationships, keep in mind these principles:
The lack of communication is one of the main reasons for break-ups, divorces and for seeking couple therapy, according to studies.
Poor communication is also related to conflict-based conversations.
Practice paraphrasing instead of responding with nods, a-ha's, and yeah's.
This type of communicating makes your partner feel like they are getting real attention and empathy.
If they are talking about a conflict they had at work say, “So it sounds like you are frustrated because your boss didn’t acknowledge how hard you worked on that project.”
One of the top reasons for unhappiness in the workplace is communication issues with one’s manager/supervisor.
Managers tend to make incorrect assumptions that employees have all of the information needed about what needs to be done, without having to communicate it clearly to them. Yet, employees will have a different idea of what is required.
To make a marriage work, you have to be the right person.
Rather than looking for the right partner, become aware of your blind spots, growing edges and vulnerabilities. Take responsibility and learn how to work with them effectively. Then invite in a compatible, suitable partner.
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