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That Discomfort You're Feeling Is Grief

We're feeling different griefs

We feel the world is different, and although temporary, we know it will not be the same again.

We feel the fear of economic turmoil and the loss of connection. And we're grieving collectively.

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IDEA EXTRACTED FROM:

That Discomfort You're Feeling Is Grief

That Discomfort You're Feeling Is Grief

https://hbr.org/2020/03/that-discomfort-youre-feeling-is-grief

hbr.org

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Key Ideas

We're feeling different griefs

We feel the world is different, and although temporary, we know it will not be the same again.

We feel the fear of economic turmoil and the loss of connection. And we're grieving collectively.

Anticipatory grief

Anticipatory grief is feeling unsure of what the future holds. It is that same feeling when someone gets a grave diagnosis. 

We know there is a storm brewing, and it breaks our sense of safety on a micro and a macro level.

Managing all this grief

Understand the stages of grief and realize that the stages are not linear.

Denial: The virus won't affect us.
Anger: You're taking away my freedom.
Bargaining: So, if I social distance for two weeks, will everything will be better?
Sadness: I don't know how this will end.
Acceptance: This is happening, and I have to figure out how to move forward.

Acceptance is where power lies. We find control in acceptance. "I can..."

Techniques to deal with grief

In unhealthy anticipatory grief, we are experiencing anxiety. Our minds look for the worst scenarios. That's our minds being protective.

The goal is not to ignore the worst scenario, but to find a balance in the things you're thinking. If you think of the worst image, also make yourself see the best image.

Notice the present moment. You're okay. You have food. You can breathe deeply.

Let go of what you can’t control

What your neighbor is doing is not in your control. What is in your control is staying far enough away from them and washing your hands.

But, you should also have compassion. Everyone will be in a different place of fear and grief. It shows up in different ways.

The last stage of grief

The last stage of grief is meaning. After acceptance, we want something meaningful to come out of those darkest hours.

We start to realize that we can connect through technology. We are not as remote as we thought. We also appreciate the little things, like a walk.

Feeling overwhelmed with grief

There is something powerful when we name the feeling of grief. It helps us feel what's inside. You don't have to tell yourself that you feel sad but shouldn't feel sad. Just feel sad for a few minutes.

If we allow the feelings to happen, they'll happen in an orderly way, and this empowers us. Then we're not victims.

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Anticipatory grief is a chance of closure and personal growth which comes at the end of life. It is a chance to reconcile differences and heal the heart with forgiveness.

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Ambiguous loss

We have lost so much, and many elements missing from our normal lives are intangible and can hardly be identified. Because it is ambiguous, we find it difficult to know what we are mourning.

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Making new rituals

It’s not that difficult to create rituals online. Focus on:

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*When you're reading something for example, your mind is also filtering a huge amount of sensory information, scanning the environment for relevant stimuli (food starting to burn on the stove or someone screaming), and even processing internal stimuli like thoughts and emotions related to previous meetings and discussions. All of these processes occur simultaneously, some more automatically and with less conscious awareness than others. If we were to give all of them the same amount of focus and attention, they would overwhelm us.

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