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Relationship Dynamics in the Workplace

Meaningful connections

Nowadays, everybody is concerned so much about work that they often forget there is more to life than this. Therefore, people have started trying to establish meaningful connections at work, as this is where they spend both most of their energy and time.

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IDEA EXTRACTED FROM:

Relationship Dynamics in the Workplace

Relationship Dynamics in the Workplace

https://estherperel.com/blog/letters-from-esther-4

estherperel.com

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Key Ideas

Meaningful connections

Nowadays, everybody is concerned so much about work that they often forget there is more to life than this. Therefore, people have started trying to establish meaningful connections at work, as this is where they spend both most of their energy and time.

Acknowledgment at work

When working inside of a team and not only, individuals feel the need to know that they are being listened to, valued and acknowledged. Establishing real connections at work, based on mutual respect and care, leads to more successful careers and companies.

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Speaking and listening

Individuals show a tendency to speak more than to listen. Therefore, the art of listening seems to be in some sort of delay when compared to the one of speaking. However, both of them are essential...

Encourage communication

When wanting to encourage healthy communication, start by making sure that everybody participates in the conversation. This is one of the safest ways to ensure deeper connections and meaningful communication within groups and not only.

Us Vs Our Ideal Self

Most of us live dual lives, filled with ambivalence. On the one hand, we have a person who we really are and on the other hand, a person who we would like to be. We use promises and resolutions to ...

Outdated Stories

We keep hanging on the outdated promises that no longer serve us, or are no longer relevant. They also take the shape of excuses we have kept frozen inside our minds for decades.

A Different Approach
  • Identify the stories you tell yourself that no longer serve you, inviting others in the conversation.
  • Set up an accountable pattern of change, keeping your friends/family in the loop.
  • Make a promise which is known to your loved ones, for answerability.
  • If some promises need to be broken, do not hesitate.
  • Get back up and on track after a setback.
Self-love
Self-love

It seems that recently the idea of 'self' as in 'self-love', 'self-made', 'self-care' etc. has been gaining more and more importance especially in the Western cultur...

Self-love vs. other types of self

Whenever you think about self-love, try picturing yourself making a mistake. Forgiving your own mistakes instead of overreacting to them is what self-love looks like.

Sell-love is deeply connected to our relationship to the ones around us, as we are definitely shaped by our experiences. On the other hand, we have what we call self-sufficiency and self-reliance, terms that define the relationship one has with himself or herself, without involving anybody else.

Esther Perel
Esther Perel

"Self-love is less about the ability to withstand loneliness or establish independence and more about awareness and acceptance of our incompleteness. It’s about letting others love us even when we feel unlovable because their version of us is often kinder than our own. "

Soft language vs. hard language
  • Soft language: it uses “I” statements and focuses on the actions that took place, how they made us feel, and what we want to happen.
  • Hard language: it starts wi...
Create space

It's useful to agree in advance to call a “timeout” or “press pause” before arguments begin.

It will give you the time to work through what happened. Because arguing when you are in a low emotional state is not going to help you.

What if…?

Ask yourself these questions: “What if the other person had a point? What if I wasn’t being honest with myself? What if I wasn’t taking responsibility for something?”

This will provide a new lens through which you'll see the situation. You might realize that there are things you could take responsibility for, that you were probably ignoring based on your initial triggered response.

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Rethinking the 8-hour workday
Rethinking the 8-hour workday

Knowledge workers aren't factory workers. There is no direct correlation between how much time they spend on the job and their output.

For knowledge workers, the 8-hour workday doesn’t make s...

Quality vs Quantity of Time

The structure of most working environments punishes people for efficiency and rewards them for looking busy. We need to shift our focus from the number of hours spent on something to the quality generated.

Build the Right Environment

To make a 3-hour workday feasible, design the right environment to make it possible.

  • Behavior is the result of environment. If you have many apps open, you’ll be more likely to be distracted.
  • Eliminate the need for willpower. Think of willpower like a bank balance. For every decision you make, you spend a unit. Design the right environment, so you avoid depleting all of your willpower.

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When Employees are Learning

Learning as an adult can be challenging. Leaders need to foster an environment of psychological safety among its workforce that is in the midst of re-skilling itself.

It helps if leaders...

Long-Term Outlook

It helps to keep an eye on the long-term benefits and roles of the future. Leaders need to be transparent and help people in their organization understand where the world is heading in the next 3 to 5 years.

There is a need to transition the company culture as the current leadership roles are no longer sufficient. This is to ensure the company will thrive in the future.

A Safe Place To Learn
  • Just like we create the right learning space for our children at home, we need to provide an atmosphere where people can tinker, learn, fail and grow.
  • Failing as an adult is difficult, but is part of the unlearning process. The right environment can make employees feel motivated and empowered while having some amount of challenge and healthy conflict.

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Hard Work Is Optional

Working hard does not mean you would be recognized or promoted. It is important to create a favourable impression, a perception that you are a hard worker.

You have to manage the ...

Market Yourself

Make an effort to be noticed in the higher levels of the company. Show a little boldness in communicating your (perceived) accomplishments to those with the power strings.

Fake Confidence

Leadership is about theatrics, to pretend to do something which is seemingly useful and to play a role. How we talk, appear, respond and behave in our daily interactions is what creates an image of ourselves in others minds.

Showing that you are confident makes it seem as if you are powerful.

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1:1 meetings
1:1 meetings

1:1 meetings matter. It is important to nurture that essential employee-manager relationship. But it still not easy to get right.

Under pressures, managers are still juggl...

1:1 category

The goal of an effective 1:1 is not an update from your direct report or for you to lay down some instructions. It's a conversation. It's a chance to hear about your direct reports' ideas for your product, their career goals, and possibly their opinion of their performance.

Keep a list of three potential topics ready for discussion. When they say they have nothing to discuss, you can jumpstart the conversation with one of your items.

Manager's best tool

Your most precious resource is your own time and energy. When you spend it on your team, it helps build healthy relationships.

Your job as a manager isn't to give advice or 'save the day.'' It's to empower your reports to find the answer themselves. If you want to understand what's going on, ask. Let her lead the conversation while you listen and probe.

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The new relationships norms
The new relationships norms

There are new trends in the intimate relationship landscape. We want to maintain unclear relationships - too afraid to be alone, but unwilling to fully engage in intimacy building....

Relationships terms
  • Ghosting: Stopping communications suddenly and completely with someone you are dating, but no longer want to date. You cannot face the pain you will inflict, so you make it invisible by disappearing.
  • Icing: Making up a reason to prolong the relationship. "I'm too busy." You want the person to hang on and be there if you change your mind.
  • Simmering: Reducing the frequency of dates and communication. You know it isn't working, but you like the security of the relationship while you browse other options.
  • Power parting: You know it isn't working and end the relationship conclusively. "This isn't working for me. Thank you for sharing your world. I enjoyed our time together and wish you all my best."
Bringing back relationship accountability

Ghosting, icing, and simmering are manifesting the decline of empathy in our society. This encourages selfishness in one party without regard to the consequences of others.

Try to end relationships respectfully and conclusively, even when they were short in duration. Act with kindness and integrity. This allows both parties to enter another relationship with a clear head rather than with insecurity.

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