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People That Cause Grief
We all know a few people that cause grief, not merely because they have a bad day but because they have severe problems and are unwilling to change.
We can learn enough to recognize if someone is a "high-conflict person" and avoid them as much as possible.
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If you are in a situation where you cannot avoid a high conflict person, use the 4-step CARS method.
- Connect with empathy, attention, and respect. With narcissists and antisocials, emphasize respect. With borderlines, focus on empathy.
- Analy...
- With Narcissistic HCPs: You may feel stupid or inadequate. You may feel in awe and flattered that the person is spending time with you.
- With Borderline HCPs: You will want to yell at then to get them to stop behaving in some inappropriate way.
- Narcissistic HCPs: They may seem charming at first but think themselves to be superior. They insult, humiliate, mislead, and lack empathy while demanding respect and attention.
- Borderline HCPs: They start out friendly but can suddenly change into b...
- Narcissistic HCPs fear disrespect. They act in such a way that people inevitably lose respect for them.
- Borderline HCPs fear abandonment. They are a nonstop emotional that makes everyone run away from them.
- Antisocial HCPs fear con...
Each type of toxic people gives clues if you pay attention:
- Narcissistic HCPs: Words that indicate arrogance, entitlement, and a lack of empathy.
- Borderline HCPs: They have victim narratives. You’ll empathize with them because their life kee...
Everybody has bad days or weeks. To tell if someone is a High Conflict Person, we can look for four traits of behavior.
- Lots of all-or-nothing thinking: When problems arise, it is their solution or no solution. They don't compromise or listen to different points of v...
- Extreme emotions are signs of possible trouble: extreme charm, extreme love, extreme anger.
- Someone that carefully controls their emotions until they lose it, then they become unrecognizable in their lack of control.
- Other emotions...
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- Ignoring context: Crossed arms don’t mean much if the room is cold or the chair they’re sitting in doesn’t have armrests.
- Not looking for clusters: It’s a consistent grouping of actions (sweating, touching the face, and stuttering together) that is really going to tell...
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They have inflated views of themselves (they think they are better than they actually are).
They make fantastic first impressions. But the stuff that works for narcissists so well in the short term proves lethal in the long term.
In job interviews, narcissists get results, but...
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It involves paying attention to something while letting go of judgments and assumptions. Don’t try to change it. Instead, be open to the experience, regardless of whether you like or dislike it.
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